Fear in a Russ’ Restaurant
Random man: MY REAL NAME IS DONALD J. TRUMP AND YOU’RE FIRED!
What I Think About When I Camp Alone
That’s one thing that sucks about winter camping. There’s nothing to do after it gets dark, except drink beer and stare at the fire.
Everything Really Matters, A Lot
B: I think that it might be important to take a minute and savor the fact that you no longer actively think you’re terrible
I’m Tired of Hearing Men Talk about The Last Jedi, So I Asked a Lady Robot
E: Ik heb een zwemdiploma maar als ik in jou ogen kijk verdrink ik.
L: Uh? Sorry, one more time? I want to make sure the readers get this.
The Tell-Tale Figment of My Imagination
The eternal shades of nightly gloom, which had so recently entwined my soul like a noose, loosened their chokehold and seemed to float away, ethereal bonds dissipating like specks of dust caught in a sunbeam.
A Cure for Homesickness
ANGELICA
(continues in the gravelly voice)
WIPE your tears, princess, we’re gonna serenada you. ANITUS!
I Am Not Myself Tomorrow
Free-Spirit Emily: (Scrolling through Anthropologie’s still impossibly expensive “sale” category) Oh believe me, you can. Remember the computer we never updated? We had it for years.
Existential Check-Up
Now, if you’ll sit over here, I’m just going to take your anxiety. You’re going to feel some tightness. That’s normal. Okay?
Okay.
Memento Reply All
Isn’t Kelsey on the party planning committee or whatever? I feel like she’s too much of a Try-Hard to pass up something like that. I hope she remembers I’m gluten free so I can eat something other than a fruit cup this year.
Wish It Was Sunday
“I think the water’s boiling, Jes.”
“Can you get that?”
“Caffeine or decaf?”
