Our theme for the month of March is “Part Two.” Writers were challenged to choose a piece they’ve previously contributed to the post calvin and revisit it, perhaps writing a sequel or reflecting on how things have changed.
Cassie’s original post is “Potato Salad Diaries.”
October 23, 2014
Today, we had reviews. When Boss Man called me into the break room and told me to sit down, I didn’t realize it was a review. So when he asked me if I had any concerns, I asked him if he meant in life. Because I have a lot of concerns in life.
“No,” he said. “Just job concerns.”
I’m worried that I’m going to get a hernia, but I didn’t tell him that.
November 3, 2014
Duane calls me Muscles,
but I just can’t help but think
that he’s mocking me.
November 12, 2014
I accidentally punched myself in the face.
I probably deserved it.
November 17, 2014
There is a man there named Wallace. Tall. Hefty. White moustache. Job description includes but is not limited to: boil pasta for pasta salads and make bread pudding. Paid on salary, and I assume that’s why he never has to empty the recycling bins. Slightly intimidating, so I always give him a wide berth and never turn my back to him.
Today, however, I learned that he DJs on the weekends and knows how to moonwalk, so I asked him if he would teach us at the Christmas party.
He said, “Probably not.”
November 19, 2014
I blew strawberry gelatin mix out of my nose today.
I don’t want to talk about it.
December 5, 2014
Work Christmas party.
Me: Wallace, are you going to teach us how to moonwalk?
December 8, 2014
Oh, you know. Just stuffing cheese into bags.
December 9, 2014
Donna, on watching my attempt to pull an overflowing trash bag out of its bin:
“It’s like trying to give birth to a cow.”
March 5, 2015
The pros and cons of a roll-out-of-bed-in-the-morning job:
Boss Man: I saw Cassie once at the store, and I hardly recognized her. She looked so nice with her hair down.
Duane: I saw Cassie once at breakfast, and she looked normal.
May 12, 2015
Me: I dreamt about this place last night.
Tim: It’s like you never left.
June 11, 2015
Boss Woman: We need a product description for Creamy Garlic Cheese Dip.
Me: How about: A creamy, garlic, cheese dip?
July 21, 2015
Boss Man walked up to me, pushing one of the twenty-some carts we use to gather ingredients and store bins that hold batches of our smaller recipes (up to 120 pounds, give or take a few potatoes).
“Not a bad afternoon to be playing outside in the water,” he said.
In hindsight, I should’ve been suspicious.
July 22, 2015
I walked around with wet shoes all day because I was chosen to powerwash the carts yesterday.
July 23, 2015
My shoes were still wet.
I’m not happy.
August 13, 2015
Donna: We’re out of marshmallows.
Duane: We might as well go home.
September 3, 2015
Duane: Oh, sorry. I just got dressing all over your arm. I know you’re used to it, but still… it’s gross.
Getting dressing flung at me… sticking my arm into thirty-pound containers of mayonnaise… dropping globs of it
on my shoe…
It’s still gross.
October 1, 2015
Instead of grabbing the packet of Cherry Gelatin mix, I accidentally poured a pretty substantial amount of Lemon Instant Pudding Mix into the Cherry Pineapple Parfait.
I told no one.
But a ten-pound box of potato salad fell on my head, so I assume that was karma.
October 5, 2015
I signed for the packing tape delivery.
I felt important.
October 15, 2015
I told Duane about the Lemon Instant Pudding Mix.
I just really needed to get it off my chest.
November 2, 2015
I packaged 400 pounds of Dilly Dip with an ice cream scoop.
I need a therapist.
November 20, 2015
Wallace: I’m not sure how sensitive people’s skin is to hot, boiling water.
…Mine is pretty sensitive.
November 24, 2015
Oh, you know. Just making a couple thousand pounds of cranberry relish.
January 11, 2016
“I feel like I’m signing my life away,” I said as I was initialing some paperwork.
“You are,” Sammy said. “You have to work here for the rest of your life.”
January 15, 2016
Gave my two weeks’ notice.
The world feels the same.
January 28, 2016
Boss Man: Today is a very sad day for me.
As badly as I want out of this place—as much as I just want to learn something new, meet different people, and for life to just move a little—I might just miss it.
January 29, 2016
Begin: The Coffee Chronicles
Names have been changed for protection (mostly the author’s).
Cassie Westrate (’14) graduated with a double major in writing and international development studies. She currently lives in West Michigan, where she works as a writer, hangs out with her pet bird, and fights crime by night. Just kidding about the crime.