Though there haven’t been as many during the summer months, I’ve watched a lot of bad movies with friends in the last few years. Half the fun is talking about them afterwards and comparing them to each other, and the other half is inducting new people (welcome readers!). Generally, we rank them on two scales—good (I like it) to bad (I don’t like it) and good (well constructed) to bad (poorly constructed), like so:
After the Ball (2015) Dir. Sean Garrity
I talked a lot about After the Ball in my initial Bad Movie Club post, and for good reason. As the progenitor of bad movie club, it hits a lot of the notes that the best BMC films do. Poor critical reception. Lines that made us burst into laughter at their strangeness. The most contrived reason to crossdress I’ve ever seen. Nothing surprising or groundbreaking happens with the premise (Cinderella meets Twelfth Night in the Canadian fashion industry), but there are certainly worse movies out there.
Verdict: Good (I liked it), Okay (well made)
The VelociPastor (2017) Dir. Brendon Steere
The VelociPastor goes a bit too hard to be the perfect BMC movie. That isn’t to say it’s not fun: I laughed my way through, starting from the first minute, when a car explodes and the film features an empty shot with the words “VFX: Car on fire” on screen. A pastor gets infected by an ancient relic and becomes a were-dinosaur to exact vigilante justice on people he thinks are beyond salvation, eventually fighting cocaine-dealing Christian ninjas. Still with me? The production values are perfect for BMC, with clearly rubber dinosaur arms, punches that come nowhere near hitting actors, and a sex scene consisting of different scenes flying around like something out of Ocean’s Eleven.
Verdict: Good (it was fun, I liked it), Bad (poorly made)
Jupiter Ascending (2015) Dir. The Wachowskis
I like The Wachowskis. I know not everyone cared for the Matrix sequels or Sense8, but high-concept sci-fi that says something hits my sweet spot. That said, I could not tell you what Jupiter Ascending is saying. Alien aristocrats harvest entire populations of planets to stay young. Channing Tatum is a space wolf-man. Bees are genetically engineered to recognize royalty, and Mila Kunis is a reincarnated space-aristocrat living in Chicago. Jupiter got points from us for the chaotic and not really explained space bureaucracy, but generally the Hollywood blockbuster special effects have a higher production value than we like to see at Bad Movie Club.
Verdict: Alright (I liked it), Good (well made)
Rubber (2010) Dir. Quentin Dupieux
Rubber was a rough watch. It opens with a sheriff monologuing to the camera that many things in cinema happen for no reason. An audience within the movie gathers to watch a rubber tire gain psychic powers, rent a hotel, and eventually go on a killing spree. Every time the tire does something the film cuts to the audience reacting to it, as if to say “Wow, wasn’t that wild and surreal?!” The result is a film which feels insincere, one of the worst crimes a Bad Movie Club film can commit. If a movie has a wild premise, I’ll watch it. When a movie reminds me every five minutes the premise is wild, it feels like the film thinks I’m stupid and I begin to feel spite.
Verdict: Awful (I hated it), Okay (well made)
Con Air (1997) Dir. Simon West
Con Air is perfect for Bad Movie Club. Convicts take over a plane and Nick Cage has to make sure they don’t all escape. Perfect pre-9/11 action premise. Steve Buscemi plays a serial killer who is creepy but actually the most reasonable character in the movie. At one point Cage’s character abandons the movie’s actual plot to find insulin for his diabetic friend. The plane lands on the Las Vegas strip. No notes.
Verdict: Good (I liked it), Okay (well made)
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Con Air!! A classic. Great post