Our theme for the month of June is “Top Ten.”

I didn’t expect to be single at twenty-five, but here we are. And in the space where I have sometimes wished a man would be, I’ve grown more than a little confidence, some important self-awareness, and apparently, without realizing it, a set of traits that I’m looking for in the person that I would choose to build a life with. 

(In no particular order)


1. A Sense of Adventure


He has to enjoy pushing through fear to find joy—enduring the uncomfortable to see, taste, and touch the best in life. He should care for his body and use it to see and experience as much as possible. 

2. Intellectual Curiosity

He needs to be a learner. Someone who asks questions and enjoys debate. I like to, quite literally, play with ideas as I relax and socialize—I would like someone who also seeks this process of joyful discovery. 

3. Responsibility to His Gifts

He should be aware of his gifts, talents, and abilities and should cultivate them based on the belief that God wants to use them in the world. He should feel the urgency of this. 

4. Tenderheartedness

His eyes and heart should be tuned to the pain of the world. He should see each person as the miraculous creation of a loving God and should seek to meet them where they are, in love, at all times.

5. Respect for the Shoulders on Which He Stands

He should have a sense of lineage (not necessarily biological) and a reverence for those who have gone before. He should be able to articulate the traditions of thought and being that have contributed to his worldview and should seek ways to honor and thank those who have invested in his growth. 

6. An Eye for Joy

I would like someone who isn’t ashamed by feelings of wonder and who would marvel at the oceans, or mountains, or the face of our first child without feeling the need to justify himself. 

7. Ownership of His Life

He should enjoy tilling his corner of creation and do so with diligence. He should enjoy productivity and seek opportunities to serve others sacrificially. He should take responsibility and be quick to apologize for wrongdoing. 

8. Discipleship under Jesus Christ

He should be submitted to the lead of Christ and be active in developing a loving relationship with God. He should understand this to be the foundation of all goodness and the only way to find purpose. All of his decisions and actions should be made from this foundation. 

9. Stewardship of His Power

He should be aware of his influence in the world and use it to serve and to lead. He should understand his ability to harm or to build up in all relationships, including marriage and parenting. If given the opportunity, he should take his role as a father as a high calling, worthy of his best effort. In marriage, especially to me, I imagine that he might need to be particularly strong-willed.

10. Generosity with Time, Talent, and Treasure

He should enjoy giving to others from the provisions given by God and rest in the faith that God will provide for his needs. He should be generous with his time where it serves others and should recognize that money is far from the highest treasure.



  1. Rita

    Of course they aren’t and he won’t be all of this all the time, but I know good models you have in your own life. I want to believe he is out there for you according to God’s good plan. You are on-of-a-kind, so he must be, too. God will honor your values in His own perfect way. Love you, Ans. Blessing.

  2. Kyric Koning

    What a bold post. One of the times where journey and end are equally delightful. Having a clear picture of where you want to go and what you’re expecting will be of utmost help to you.

  3. Tavia

    You are these things so it’s apparently not too much to ask for. Also, you’ve had some good role models.


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