Crucially, Non-Cancerous (Part II)
I was eating Flavor Blasted Extra-Cheddar Goldfish while basking in the sun and having the best moment of my week.
Crucially, Non-Cancerous
Given the pale faces and dropped jaws that people exhibited in response to my description of the surgery plan, perhaps I should’ve had slightly more sober expectations…
What I Didn’t Tell You I Got For Christmas
“It’s sort of a parody of those angry, serious 20th writers and the people who revere them. ‘Am I a fan of that genre?’ No, can’t say that I am. But I think it’ll be funny?”
What To Watch This Week (Not On a Screen)
Think about the particular way you form and connect your letters and wonder about where that comes from.
How to Pick a Premier League Team
If you like Robin Hood: Nottingham Forest. It sounds like a made-up place, but they are a real team.
Content Recommendations from the 2024–25 Holiday Season With the Ribbens Family
Whatever it is, it’s always better watching together.
Why Are There So Many Montgomery Counties?
It sounds pretty British so it could also be a colonial-era governor or a particularly favored royal hunting dog.
Say Hi to the Little Guy Staring at Your Shin
No wonder your face shows such horror and such fatigue.
A Tedious Haunting. In Prose. Being a Ghost Story of Bad Organization Skills
I’m haunted by Things That People Who Have Their Lives Together Should Do.
We Sent Your Car to Live On a Farm
Last year, it got towed while I was in line at the DMV on my birthday.
The ‘24 Paris Games
Here’s to you, rugby.
Songs Ranked By Utility
Points against: The only time you need to know the names of Santa’s reindeer is to sing this song.
I’ll Just Be in the Parking Lot, Struggling
And if I had started to feel faint, I’m not sure I would have let her see.
Here’s What I Have to Say On the Church Mice in Disney’s Robin Hood
Cue the mournful organ. Cue the rain. Enter the church mice.
A Spring Mix
I have a new kind of energy, I feel good in my clothes, I’ve eaten vegetables and walked barefoot in grass.
This Is Beyond Me
This is beyond me.
The Secret Park
I thought this was an incredible feature of the park, although a one-star review on Google Maps from 2018 disagrees.
Here’s to My Annual Tin of Peanuts
Maybe it was a Five Guys thing where you could have a snack while waiting for your food and throw the shells wherever you liked with the authority and abandon of a Tudor monarch.
Artifacts From Susie
She has taught me to use a sewing machine about six different times. It never sticks.
Applying for My Fantasy Jobs
My multiple Basketball Leadership Awards granted between grades 7 and 12 illustrate my natural leadership ability in a sporting context.
Aiding Athletes in All Phases of Athletic Activity (and Me When My Tummy Hurts)
You could drink from whatever random thing you had and it was fine.
Less, Please
Poetry is hard work, and mostly I forget it exists.
Reviewing the Books on My Shelves That I’ll Never Read
I was especially tickled by that one anecdote about a dog probably.
Do You Want to See What I Drew?
The making of the thing feels good and the looking at a thing that I think looks nice feels good.
Predictions for the Vaderland, Pt 2: Mostly Nailed It
And, no great loss, I didn’t think about The Masked Singer once.
Predictions for the Vaderland
I think about saying “bedankt” after ordering but chicken out.
Lessons and Carrels
If they checked IDs, I’d never get in. But they don’t, and I wrote my paper, feeling like maybe I understood this place better than its students.
A Big Corner
There are single family homes and giant, shiny apartment buildings and about six 7-Elevens in my square mile.
An Ode to My Check Engine Light
And for a moment I thought, “Ah, maybe the car has healed itself,” before remembering that only living things can heal themselves and that my car, although I sometimes talk to it as if it were a person, is not a living thing.
My Childhood Bedroom: An Inventory
Twin bed with ancient plastic tubs holding who knows what underneath (1)
Ancient plastic tubs holding who knows what (3)
