What Eating the Same Meals for Ten Months Will Do to You
To get something straight, eating the same thing is boring as all hell. I gained a measure of satisfaction from it, of course, or else I wouldn’t have done it.
Ben Rietema (’14) lives in Wanaka, New Zealand at the moment. Besides staring at and running in mountains, he makes a wicked hospital corner and can clean a bathroom like Gandhi (if he were a housekeeper) at his job at a local lodge. He also enjoys saying “HOUSEKEEPING” in the highest pitch voice he can muster before entering a room to service it. benrietema.wordpress.com/
by Ben Rietema | Jul 4, 2017
To get something straight, eating the same thing is boring as all hell. I gained a measure of satisfaction from it, of course, or else I wouldn’t have done it.
by Ben Rietema | Jun 4, 2017
If you routinely hit signs, fire hydrants, lampposts, pedestrians, and other cars, the Impromptima won’t change any of that.
by Ben Rietema | May 4, 2017
We think the world is going to hell. Every single generation has in some respect thought their world was going to hell. Right now, it’s not.
by Ben Rietema | Apr 4, 2017
For Christianity, press one. For Judaism, press two. For Islam, press three. For Atheism, please hang up and try again.
by Ben Rietema | Mar 4, 2017
No one remembers to send okra a Christmas card, and they usually misspell “okra” anyways. Ocra? Akra? Okrah? Occasionally, someone visits her when they go south for spring break.
by Ben Rietema | Feb 4, 2017
The semi-employed anti-hero of this tragic sob-story did what we all want to do but cannot because of various reasons, mostly time-related.
by Ben Rietema | Jan 4, 2017
So for the present, let’s stay out of the future. And dear god, let dogs stay dogs, let cats stay cats, and let mice stay undersized rats.
by Ben Rietema | Dec 4, 2016
Whatever he has been, Dylan always returns to his humanity, and the fact that he’s simply an artist doing his thing.
by Ben Rietema | Nov 4, 2016
The woman looked at me like I’d asked to give her a dead fish, which, considering I looked like I had come out of the forest, wasn’t wholly misplaced.
by Ben Rietema | Oct 4, 2016
Do I cling to God and morality because behind those things there lies a black, incessant void of despair and pointlessness that existentialism can barely put a Hello-Kitty band-aid on?
by Ben Rietema | Sep 4, 2016
Like Bob Costas, who only gets pulled out every two years from whatever coat closet NBC hides him in, the Olympics are full of those sports that no one really cares about until the next Olympics.
by Ben Rietema | Aug 4, 2016
Step Seven—Whew, we’re already on step seven. Check the time. What time is it? Whoo boy, we’ve already been in here thirty minutes, and it’s only half done.
by Ben Rietema | Jul 4, 2016
Of course, it’s unfair to judge a culture based on experiences in airport terminals.
by Ben Rietema | Jun 4, 2016
The list of far-fetched hobby-type things goes on—latte art, throwing things in a blender and showing the footage on YouTube (Will It Blend?), keeping moldy water in your garage and selling it to other people (home brewing)…
by Ben Rietema | May 4, 2016
He took a lap around the vehicle, got in the driver’s seat, and tried the key. The van roared to life… as if nothing had been wrong, as if it were just born, as if it were doing it just to spite me. I stared at the van in silence.
by Ben Rietema | Apr 4, 2016
It was like asking the two of them to play a game of ping pong, but no one had brought any paddles and the only ball available was a brick.
by Ben Rietema | Mar 4, 2016
If I were a man of principle, I would have shouted, “GET THIS DEVIL STICK AWAY FROM ME” and thrown it into a tree.
by Ben Rietema | Feb 4, 2016
The answer can act as a balm; even speaking the name can reseal the permanent connection to the fact that travelers are not always traveling,
by Ben Rietema | Jan 4, 2016
“So I see you enjoy burritos…” I would say and then stare at my shoes. “ And I observe that you are also wearing… [squinting] shoes… very cool…”
by Ben Rietema | Dec 4, 2015
I have a “thing” about hair, and it may to seem strange to you. But let’s be honest, you have your things too.
by Ben Rietema | Nov 4, 2015
Another wave of nausea wrenches my stomach, and I cling to the horizon with my eyes, willing the North Island to come closer. I nervously check the lower deck to see if any hapless soul is below should I release my lunch.
by Ben Rietema | Oct 4, 2015
We admire the people who adventure, who scale mountains, who travel to faraway places with nothing but optimism, peanut butter, and probably not enough experience.
by Ben Rietema | Sep 4, 2015
The whole town’s milieu has changed from German trampers and the Asian tour bus multitudes to people who can’t seem to survive without a beanie on their head.
by Ben Rietema | Aug 4, 2015
By the end, I had to get out, or I was going to keel over from Uno-induced asphyxiation. I said my goodnights and stumbled off down the corridor.
by Ben Rietema | Jul 4, 2015
It gazed at me, seemingly serene yet still in obvious misery. Was it questioning its life? Was he brought closer to some meaning in its purposeless sheep existence? Do sheep go that deep?
by Ben Rietema | Jun 4, 2015
While Superman is out saving the world and dating incredibly attractive women, I’m covered in grime, decidedly without any lingerie models throwing themselves at my feet.
by Ben Rietema | May 4, 2015
I looked down at Winston (or the other one), who still looked up at me pleadingly. He hadn’t moved an inch, even though there were about fifteen other willing petters around.
by Ben Rietema | Apr 4, 2015
But probably, it was simply a pure moment, where the present brushes eternity and leaves a faint aroma of godliness. I breathed in. The rain whispered, and the grass ruffled.
by Ben Rietema | Mar 4, 2015
Sometimes there is nothing better than being outside; sometimes I would pay anything to escape.
by Ben Rietema | Feb 4, 2015
But like Bilbo returning to Bag End, sometimes you return home and your neighbors are rifling through your linen and walking out the door with your cutlery.