I spend a lot of time imagining what I would do if I won the lottery, but I’ve never bought a lottery ticket.

Infinite Jest is one of my favorite books, but I don’t mention it very often for fear of seeming pretentious.

I’m a loud talker, but I get annoyed by other loud talkers.

I try to be nice to everyone, but sometimes I don’t try as hard to be nice to good-looking people because good-looking people generally have it pretty good, so they don’t need my support.

There’s a board game called “Upwords” that I’ve play many times since I was quite young. I didn’t make the connection between the word “Upwords” and the word “upwards” until I was twenty-five years old, and it wasn’t even me who figured it out; a friend mentioned it while we were playing. I pretended like I had known the connection all along.

I don’t like “Apples to Apples,” and I don’t like “Cards Against Humanity.”

I don’t like Saving Private Ryan, and I don’t like American Beauty.

I haven’t seen Schindler’s List, and I haven’t seen The Wire.

I haven’t read any of the Song of Ice and Fire books, but I’ve spent so much time on A Wiki of Ice and Fire that I freely participate in conversations in much the same way as I would if I had read them.

For many years of my life I thought that admiring people was dumb because nobody is perfect. I no longer think this. I mean I continue to think that nobody is perfect. But it’s ok to admire people anyway.

I spend a lot of time fantasizing about meeting famous people on public transit. Like sitting down on the bus and saying, “Hey you look a lot like comedienne Chelsea Peretti.”
“Actually I am comedienne Chelsea Peretti.”
“Whoa cool, I like your work.”
“Cool, do you want to hang out and also be friends forever?”
“Yes I would like that.”

I’m not totally clear on the distinction between Great Britain, the United Kingdom, and the British Isles.

I wish the employees at the restaurants I frequent would pretend they’ve never seen me before.

I don’t think there has been a point in my adult life during which all of my clothes were clean at the same time.

I’m obsessed with cyst removal videos and generally fascinated by videos of surgical procedures.

My passport expired several months ago, and I still haven’t gotten it updated.

I used to think “ahide” was a word. “Asleep” means “sleeping;” I thought “ahide” meant “hiding.” I believed this until I was approximately eighteen years old.

I don’t like most poetry. And when I tell people this, they tell me I just don’t get it, but I get poetry; I just don’t like it.

I recently watched a YouTube video of a guy who had terrible rhythm and couldn’t clap on beat, and I laughed so hard that my dog went into a state of panic.

Tony Ditta

Tony graduated in 2012 with majors in mathematics and economics. He now lives in Chicago and is pursuing graduate study in economics. He also has a very good cultural trivia podcast called “Here’s My Number, So Call Me Ishmael” available on Libsyn, iTunes, and Google Play.

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