So, as you can see based on how my name shows up on the blog, I decided to change my name when I got married. This was a decision that sort of snuck up on me—I’d sort of planned on keeping my name when I got married—but it’s a decision I feel good about. This post is not a justification for my decision, but a helpful guide for anyone who may wish to make this change.

1) First, if you’ve decided to change your name, you have to decide what you’re changing it to. You can change your last name to your husband’s last name (the traditional route). You can change your middle name to your last name and your last name to your husband’s last name (the traditional route in the South, I guess? This is what I did). You can keep your middle name, add your last name as a second middle name, and make your husband’s name your last name (looking at you, Laura). You can hyphenate your last name and your husband’s last name. You can take two last names. You can combine your last names into a new last name (for real, people do this).

Are you confused yet?

2) The most important item of paperwork, at least before the wedding, is the marriage license. Read, mark, learn, and inwardly digest the rules about marriage licenses for the state you’re getting married in. You’ll also have to figure out how you’re supposed to sign your name on the marriage license. It seems this varies from state to state, and the Internet may not know the answer. Thankfully, the person working in the clerk’s office who prints your marriage license will probably have some idea.

3) Before the other stuff, you have to get married. Yay, hooray, congratulations!

4) Next, you head to the Social Security Administration.

5) Scratch that. First, you have to change your Facebook name. And relationship status. People will bug you about this. Don’t believe me? Just wait.

6) Then do Social Security. You can do this by mail, or, if you’re in a hurry and still only have one copy of your marriage license, you can go in person. Note that if you choose to do this in Midtown Manhattan, you will receive a number that seems fairly low (96) until you realize the number being served is 703. Does it start over at 1000? Will you die here? (I recommend taking your spouse, so they can join in the fun.) About two weeks later you’ll get a new card in the mail, displaying your new name in very official print.

7) The next really important step is changing your name on your license. If you remain in the same state, this is generally pretty easy. At least, as easy as a trip to the DMV ever is. If, however, you live in Indiana, get married in Michigan, and immediately move to New York, things get interesting. You can’t change the license in Indiana, because you’re not in Indiana. Also, you don’t live there anymore, and neither do your parents (whose home address is still more permanent than your address ever seems to be). Even though you’re a student in New York (and thus not technically a resident), that’s your best bet.

So you make an appointment at the DMV. You complete the easiest eye exam of your life (seriously, New York?) and take an appropriately terrible photo. Because you’re changing your state AND your name, you’ll have to complete two separate processes, but eventually, you have a shiny new piece of paper that is your license until the real deal comes in the mail.

8) After the SSA and DMV, it’s time to change things at the bank. The bank can do this in person. They will also continue to deposit checks made out to you as you were previously known (or even checks made out to you by first-name only, or checks made out to you and your spouse, even though you don’t have a joint account). If you have credit cards, you’ll have to make phone calls—hooray for hold music! The best part, though? This step is free.

9) Are you beginning a new academic program just as you begin married life? Great idea! The thing here is, you’ve already done all the application and admissions stuff, and you’ve done it with your legal name—i.e. your name pre-change. It may be clear what sort of information you need to give to whom to make this change, or it may not. You may provide people with paperwork and find that still nothing changes. Your school may encounter a crisis weeks into your first semester that gives everyone more important things to worry about than whether your name is right on the paperwork. You may occasionally wonder who you are.

10) Don’t forget: there are many things left to change. You’ll keep discovering more. Your other social media accounts should be changed. Other online accounts should be changed. If you want to change your name on PayPal, you’ll have to get on the phone again. You may want to change your email address, which seems simple until you note how many people are in your address book, how many emails you have archived, and how many things you use your email address for. You’ll also have to change your passport at some point, though you may put that one off when you see what it costs to get a new one.

11) Oh, and if you’re a guy and you want to change your name (way to go!), disregard everything above. You have to make an appointment to go to the court and petition for a name change, which is more work and costs more money. This is not a very democratic process.

I sometimes say that if I’d known a few months ago what a pain it was to change my name, I might’ve reconsidered, but that’s not really true. I like being Alissa Anderson (Alissa Goudswaard Anderson, to be precise)—my name is alliterative, my signature is easier, and I don’t have to spell my last name for every single person who needs it. We won’t have to decide whose name children get, or stick them with an 18-letter hyphenated monstrosity. My name also serves, for me, as a mark of the depth and reverence of the vows I made, which makes it worth all the hassles and frustration and fees that making such a change brings.

Alissa Anderson

Alissa Goudswaard Anderson (’10) lives with her husband Josh in New York City, where she is earning her Master of Divinity at General Theological Seminary. Alissa enjoys private kitchen dance parties, big Midwestern thunderstorms, and perusing other peoples’ bookshelves. For more, find her online at www.episcotheque.wordpress.com or tweet her @episcotheque.