The singer Chappell Roan has credited her skyrocket to fame & successful music career with doing inner child work. She recently said, “I chose this career path because I love music and art and honoring my inner child.”
This caught my attention, and it resonated with me. After all, even Jesus said you could only enter the kingdom of heaven if you became more like a child. I realized that I needed to get more in touch with my inner child too.
Like many young adults living through the 2020s, I often feel stressed and alone. My dentist has told me repeatedly to wear a mouth guard because I clench my teeth so hard when I sleep (and, to be honest, even sometimes when I’m awake). Sometimes I feel so tired all I can do is lay in bed and scroll mindlessly through social media (aka bedrotting). I barely talk with my family anymore because they so badly affected my mental health. And of course the random banalities of adulthood don’t help either—such as phone chargers breaking or not working or the trash piling up too high in the dumpster because your landlord sucks. It seems that my “inner child” has never felt more far away than it does now.
But I knew that they were still in there, somewhere. There are moments where I could see them peek out, like a thin ray of sunlight through the clouds. But only when I wasn’t trying too hard. Only when I was open and receptive and at ease—only when I was at peace with myself.
It turns out there’s actually a neurological reason for this: shame shuts down the parts of the brain that are responsible for creativity. The main difference between child you and adult you is that the child version of you lacks shame. And that’s why children are often so creative and expressive.
But my young adulthood has been defined by shame. Shame at not knowing for sure what I want to do as a career. Shame at being queer. Shame that I’m hurting this planet just by being alive and living in capitalism. Shame at my country for dropping bombs on innocent children. Endless shame.
Thankfully I’ve recently stumbled into a couple ways to let go of shame. One way was rereading “Anne of Green Gables” and rewatching the Netflix show “Anne with an E.” The character of Anne reminds me a lot of myself when I was a child: reading too much and doing a lot of imaginative play and using too many big words and not knowing how to spell them.
The second way was simply getting lost. Yesterday I was trying to get somewhere on the south side of Chicago and I got off at the wrong bus stop. I wandered down the side of the highway until I reached a nature preserve. I strolled through a field of flowers until I reached the shore of a small lake. I sat down, took out my notebook, and wrote and wrote. The words flowed easily. I was inspired.
I originally wanted to get in touch with my inner child to help my mental health, but I suspect that my success in whatever I choose to do depends on inner child work too. I’m glad that I’ve at least gotten started.
Loran Vanden Bosch is a Chicago-based writer, tradesperson-in-training, community organizer, and long distance runner who graduated from Calvin in 2021 with an English degree. You can also follow them on Medium @loranvandenbosch.
