The facts: Snapchat is quintessentially millenial. It was created by millennials, it exists for millennials, it thrives thanks to millennials.
The opinions: See below. Feel free to argue with any of these rules of Snapchat, but be aware that I consulted two extremely knowledgeable Snapchat experts (i.e. the first two other millennials I could find). So, without any further ado:
HOW NOT TO SNAPCHAT
1. Do not snap pictures of people when they don’t know they’re being photographed (unless it’s funny. Then do it every time, obviously. Ten seconds of embarrassment is good for the soul every now and again).
2. Do not write a novel with your finger and then only give it a lifespan of 3 seconds.
3. Do not write a novel with your finger.
4. Do not, under any circumstances, send a snap to a person who is in the same room as you. Everything you can see, they can see. Adding some purple squiggly lines will not change that.
5. If you’re at a concert, your snap video is going to suck. Please do not share it with us. All we can hear is “AHHHHHHHHH” and not in a good way.
6. If you find yourself asking, “Should I add this to my snap story?” the answer is no.
7. If something worth preserving forever happens, then for the love of Instagram and Facebook, do not send it over Snapchat. Ten seconds is all you get, and think about all the likes you could have gotten. For shame.
8. If they’re not snapping you back, it’s time to let go.
9. If you find yourself making a peace sign, remove app from phone.
10. Don’t even try to use the video chat feature. No one understands it. Seriously, just call me, beep me, if you wanna discuss anything substantial.
11. The harsh truth: having a high score on Snapchat means you’re losing, not winning.
12. Among Snapchat’s “special” features are the inexplicably random temperature and miles per hour trackers. It is best not to speak of these, let alone test their powers.
13. If you find yourself thinking, “I’m bored. I’m going to take a bored snap of my bored face so that everyone knows how bored I am,” don’t.
14. Seriously. Don’t.
15. If you have a pending snap from someone named “hOtChIcKxoxo,” DO NOT OPEN IT.
16. On a similar note, don’t become snap friends with someone you don’t know. This isn’t Tinder, people.
17. Yes, your new FAVORITE Katy Perry song just came on the radio. Yes, you are driving. Do I really have to explain why Snapchat should not factor into this?
18. Last but not least, a rule that applies to all areas of life: do not duckface.
There you have it. Follow these rules and you will go far in the land of millennials.
Snap responsibly, my friends.
Catherine Kramer (’14) has a degree in English and works in publishing. Her continued existence is made possible by grace, warm hugs, and iced chai lattes.