Recently my finger has been swollen from climbing too much. Admittedly, I did too much at once. In this piece, the middle finger will be RMF (right middle finger) and is angry at me (Michelle).
RMF: I’m in pain. Why did you make me climb dumb plastic rocks? Child.
Michelle: I’m only 26, just a girl!
RMF: Did you even listen to what I said?
Michelle: Okay, you mean why did I start climbing?
RMF: *UHHHH*
Michelle: Well, you see, in college I would pass the climbing wall, and I thought it looked like so much fun, but being so anxious, I never had the courage to start. The one time I tried, I was so weak I could barely do one move, and I genuinely felt so embarrassed. For me, climbing was the activity I always dreamed of doing but felt like it was for other people. When I moved out on my own to Kansas City, I told myself that it was time to conquer my fear, so I started climbing consistently.
RMF: Hmmmm, okay. That doesn’t explain why, in the last few months, I’ve been pushed soooo hard.
Michelle: You’re not being a good listener! When I was in Kansas City, I would go consistently and genuinely had so much fun and was proud of my strength—that is, until a creepy old guy asked me to come out to a bar, just myself and him, on a Tuesday night. After that, I only went twice, and both times I saw him. For me, it was a big deal that the thing I worked so hard at was ruined.
RMF: So WHY SO MUCH NOW?
Michelle: Okay, well, life circumstances changed: I had a bit of a midlife crisis, I was feeling uninspired, and my best friend climbed consistently with her brother at the bouldering gym once a week.
RMF: Ummm, ma’am, I really don’t think you’ve gone once a week…
Michelle: I was lured in by a cheap membership; I thought surely having a consistent physical hobby would be great for me!
RMF: Dammit, you suck.
Michelle: Listen, I had such a hard year with health struggles; I figured I needed to get strong and have a way to feel proud of myself again. So I decided to go two times a week, and that snowballed into three times a week…
RMF: But those little rocks hurt so bad, and you put all that pressure on me! And when I try to tell you I hurt, you just shove me right back there!
Michelle: *embarrassed* I figured I was making you stronger and you were growing.
RMF: I’m in pain!! I’m just a finger.
Michelle: I thought it was normal!
RMF: (stunned, screaming, crying, throwing up)
Michelle: In fairness, when I saw myself improving, I became more and more addicted. I did routes I never thought were possible and felt like a badass.
RMF: (could not speak)
Michelle: Okay, but seriously, I did cut it down to two times a week… and when I noticed that I was in pain, I quit for good.
RMF: *narrows eyes* By good, you mean two freaking weeks!!!
Michelle: You barely hurt, so I figured it was fine!
RMF: You think that just because I’m quiet you can take advantage of me. I gave you ample chances to take care of me. I can’t believe you’d betray me like this!
Michelle: No, that’s not what I meant; I wanted you stronger!
RMF: No, you wanted the dopamine that comes with climbing. You wanted the satisfaction that comes with climbing harder routes. You wanted to brag to your friends and family that you can hold onto tiny holds. Don’t you dare say it was a concern for me.
Michelle: No, no, no! I love you! I swear, I just want to be strong!
RMF: If you loved me, you wouldn’t climb when I scream.
*48 hours later my right finger is swollen and can’t bend.*
Michelle: You know, you might be right. I’m sorry it has to get to this point. Part of the problem is my ego; I start improving and know that if I have a break from the gym, I will temporarily lose my strength. And for me, that’s really discouraging. I’m willing to ignore my own body’s needs for the sake of keeping up my own strength.
Right Middle Finger continues with smug satisfaction.
Michelle Ferdinands (’22) graduated from Calvin University with degrees in mathematics and computer science. She lives in Kansas City and works as a software engineer. She loves to run and read, and she’s always up for an adventure.
