Our theme for the month of October is “flash nonfiction.” Writers were asked to submit pieces that were 250 words or less.

My mom and I sat on plastic chairs deep in the basement of the Cleveland Clinic. She kept time while I drank two bottles of contrast. Upon draining the last bottle, I felt an uncomfortable urge, and then panic. “I think I just pooped myself,” I whispered. Mom’s surprise matched my own, but I shuffled bravely to the nurses station where I explained to a kind nurse that I would need a pair of panties before my enterography. She quickly gathered a pack of wipes, a new pair of hospital pants, and a bulky adult diaper. I cleaned myself up in the bathroom before clumsily putting the diaper on.

I laid on my stomach in the scanner, and in the most humiliating moments of my young life, I actively pooped myself for forty-five minutes. At its worst, after they administered medication to halt the movement of my intestines, I was also fighting the urge to vomit. A nurse stood at my head, encouraging me to take slow breaths. While tears dripped to the end of my nose, I whispered an apology for the smell.

When it was over, my mom and a team of compassionate nurses helped me clean up and put a fresh diaper and gown on before sliding into a wheelchair. Their compassion in maintaining my dignity during those harsh moments is what stuck with me. It’s not a happy memory, but a lesson in the holiness of our smallness, and the gift of humble service when we are weakest.

Ansley Kelly

Ansley Kelly (’16) is an enthusiastic Wegmans employee and joyful graduate student in Buffalo, NY. She is committed to developing her leadership competence in service to others and believes that diligent leadership is an act of love. In recent years, she has wrestled through the thickets of chronic illness to find hope and peace in her deepening faith. When she’s feeling well, she enjoys sailing and skiing. When she’s not, she enjoys reading whatever’s close and taking mid-morning naps.

7 Comments

Dawn on October 4, 2021 at 8:39 am

You are the absolutely mast amazing young woman I have ever known. Not because you have suffered so, but because you move forward every single time from each challenge.
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- Ansley on October 8, 2021 at 8:56 pm
  
  So many people would find the same strength. It’s what we do, playing the hand we’re dealt.
  Reply
Michele on October 5, 2021 at 8:14 am

I’m so proud of you for sharing your story. I love you more and more as I know you.
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- Ansley on October 8, 2021 at 8:56 pm
  
  Thanks so much Michele ❤️
  Reply
- Vickie Wheeler on September 8, 2022 at 11:04 am
  
  Thanks for sharing and I am sorry you go through so much suffering with your illness. You are in my prayers
  Reply
Alex Johnson on October 8, 2021 at 5:53 pm

Wow, Ansley. The only word that comes to mind is harrowing. I’m thankful that you were surrounded by such lovely people.
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- Ansley on October 8, 2021 at 8:57 pm
  
  Me too! Compassionate, skilled caregivers are an incredible gift.
  Reply