Brainrot: Screenwriting as Literature
For the novel to improve, for ink-and-paper storytelling to stay relevant, for literature to tell today’s stories to today’s audience, it must learn from the work of screenwriters
Top Ten
Who knew when we’d see each other again, with the pandemic rolling in and the economy flipping belly-up, with graduation and wedding and career plans scattering in the air like confetti.
Inside COVID-19’s Cheering Section
People will die, the economy might tank, and my Italian honeymoon’s on the line, but somehow, it feels like I have a conflict of interest.
Amateur Abortion Hour
Only a very few of my friends and family members hate women or God, no matter what Rush Limbaugh and The Nation insist.
Mind Your Shotgun
Today I smell dead quail and gunpowder. Today I taste sweat. Good things, and my attention comes on its own.
The Best In Lustful Activities
Set your libido level to maximum!
De-Centering Prayer
I’ve peed behind dumpsters, on beaches, in alleys, gardens, parking lots, yards—and yet I was here, in this bathroom, I-can-pee-anywhere-ing in a space created for people who can’t.
F is for Fermata
I don’t know what home means without you.
What Climbing a Cascade Volcano Feels Like
Cognitive functions deteriorate with exhaustion; I once hallucinated midnight bicyclists and figures running through the woods after summiting Mt. Rainier.
Hotkeys, Hot Peas, and How to Know the Difference
Want to know about other types of spaces? Of course you don’t. I’m gonna tell you.
In Uncertainty I Am Certain
I’m committing to following this path as best I can, although I can’t see the turns ahead and everyone disagrees about the map.
Trip Report: Wedgemont Lake
Our ultimate goal, Wedge Mountain, has an elevation of 9,488 feet and is the high point of Garibaldi Provincial Park.
Black Eyed Peas
When Joanna and I bought groceries the next day from a store unironically named Winn-Dixie, the cashier chatted with us about our beer and asked, “So what are ya’ll doing later today?” in a way that made me feel rude for not including her.
Seeking That Meaningful Connection
With a little out-of-the-box thinking, you can find just as many opportunities for meaningful connection on the 9-to-5 side of that pesky diploma.
Mono(nucleosis)
Do you have flu-like symptoms? Do you feel tired all the time? Do you feel just fine? If so, you might have mono! Who knows!
Settled Expectations
We ruined Settlers of Catan that night, which isn’t all that different from how I’ve ruined everything else these past few years.
Life and Death in the Forest
One hit to the torso killed you dead. Three hits to the same limb chopped it off. Head shots were off-limits by parental decree, but if they happened on accident you better recover quick before Calvin jabbed you in belly with a two-handed sword.
Our Fragile Democracy
In the 15 years since electronic voting machines were first adopted by many states, numerous reports by computer scientists have shown nearly every make and model to be vulnerable to hacking.
A Sign From God
“Meeting you was a divine encounter. I’m living on trust, too.” Jacob grinned, as if my existence validated his life.
Everything is Copying
You get one or two good ideas of your own, and that’s it. That’s all you get to work with, and you can either beat your ass like some self-flagellating monk to make something with that idea, or you can leave it alone and keep on copying.
Bury Me Naked
When I die, bury me naked. Or burn me. I’ll leave the choice between casket or urn to my loved ones, so long as they keep clothing out of it.
Condom Nation
Those who drive sex education policies, it would seem, care more about ideology than accuracy—more about ideology, in fact, than effectiveness, teen moms, or lifelong diseases, either.
Blackberries: A Love Song
Blackberry ice cream is as holy as library reading logs or PVC swordfights.
Slackcountry Snow
Then I pointed my skis over the edge and leaned forward so my weight eased me into the wide couloir, and it felt like I was plummeting and the snow exploding around me like a warzone.
I Am Liking Myself
“It doesn’t matter what you do,” I will tell my children, “as long as you like yourself better than you like most other people.”
Mayonnaise: A Review
Four tablespoons, give or take, of pure, undiluted mayonnaise.
I’m Just Like You
That’s why teachers are always angry, and why the most successful schools still employ good, old-fashioned paddlin’. Yell some sense into ‘em, preferably with personal insults and condemnations of their overall character.
Live at KEXP: This Is the Kit
I stood ten feet away from Kate Stables in the front row of an audience that barely totaled twenty people, and yet This Is the Kit wasn’t playing for us. They didn’t even know we were there.
The Death of What You Thought Was Your Soul
The last time I knew who I was I had acne, four AP classes, and a Bible in my senior photos.
On Owning Guns
Whenever I tell people about this hunting trip, about my family’s tradition for the past ten years, I share it with a blend of defiance, pride, and defensiveness.
