Assembled entirely from two weeks of subject lines found in the spam folder of info@stlukesrenton.org.

You can be her loving demon, able to satisfy all her dirty wishes for hours.
Want to thump her wild?
Get ready and poke your lady until sun rises!
You can show your girl who’s the best driller on Earth!

Do you know how to turn a girl on?

Thunder in your bed, solidity in your bone-ons!
Better stiffness – better satisfaction!
Set your libido level to maximum!

Make a macho of yourself!

I want to meet you!
can you meet me?
come to me tomorrow?
come to me?
Oh, it seems I’m ready to be yours today.

Want your loving not to be a routine?
Don’t let your vigor collapse!

help is needed
could you help me
help is needed

Every man can have manhood problems.

What will you do today?
what are your plans for the weekend?
You are free?

could you help me
i don’t know where i am

If all men were the same as you…
Spend holidays in bed, and do not forget
Haven’t you seen it yet? Oh hell, and why I have not found it before

Therefore you can get medications of different, etc.
Your way of making love champion of yourself will be easy!
Treat the lack of male strength with ease!

let’s do it

Your masculinity gets super boost in 20 minutes you’ve taken our wonder-pill!
One pill and firmness will return to it!
It can make your wiener a real piece of steel when it comes to action!
Knock on her wet cave’s door ten times a night with our super pills!
Using this doping will give your couple the night of your dreams

She will think about how good you are at Night Olympics, you will think: Thank you, great

Remind myself
Unlucky days are over!
You are free?

5 Comments

  1. Geneva Langeland

    This is absolutely incredible. All my spam emails at work are about fake dental insurance and wildly expensive corporate training courses. Hard to make fun poetry with “Your Costco bonus is ready to be claimed” and “Volusion advanced search and filter on steroids” 😉

    Reply
  2. Avatar

    Yesterday I happened to read the McSweeney’s Internet Tendency submission guide, which gently discourages any submission that is “a list of goofy email names from spam you received.” Clearly they hadn’t anticipated your genius on this precise subgenre of writing. Their loss!

    I enjoyed your post to maximum 🙂

    Reply
  3. Abby Zwart

    I’m a little concerned about reading this on my school computer! Blaming you if I get called to the principal’s office.
    Do we need a post calvin NSFW label?

    Reply
    • Avatar

      You can tell Brad they’re all work emails, which isn’t even lying.

      Reply
  4. Kyric Koning

    “Every man can have manhood problems” doesn’t even have to be about dicks! “Using this doping will give your couple the night of your dreams.” Wait. Is this saying it’s given as a gift to OTHERS?

    Am I reading into this too much?

    Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

post calvin direct

Get new posts from Josh deLacy delivered straight to your inbox.

Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!