It’s been two enlightening months since I joined the ranks of substitute teachers in the public school system. Now, when it comes to public schools, I’m a real rookie, having been alternatively educated (the nice way of saying homeschooled) for most of my school years. And so, I set before you a list of tactics I collected from two months in the trenches, so to speak.
- Forewarned is forearmed
Never enter unknown territory without good instructions from the absent officer. Otherwise you will stumble into a jungle of twenty-four small people’s very specific needs and probably make severe tactical errors. Good sub notes give all the details (from schedules to classroom protocol, to extra provisions, to warnings about which students might be particularly explosive).
- Operation In like a Lion, Out like a Lamb
Subs need to be like the month of March. The substitute should stride into a classroom guns blazing, roaring with the poised control of a five-star general. Establish control early. Explain your rules. (My favorite: “ONE voice at a time,” which is easier said than done—especially when you are screaming over a cacophony of prepubescent voices).
However, after you’ve shown the masses you mean business, it’s ok to be a little more at ease. Try to connect with a couple of students about something other than the work—compliment, encourage, give a thumbs up. Threaten, but give second chances, and maybe a third (you are only the substitute after all).
- Defensive Strategy for “Name Game” Maneuvers
Students can smell vulnerable prey and will, at times, employ an offensive I like to call the “Name Game.” See the following example:
Student 1: Hey Miss, I’m Josh.
Student 2: And I’m Zach.
Student 3: Don’t listen to them! That’s not Zach, that Josh!
Teacher: Would the real Josh please move to his correct seat.
Student 1: sniggers and doesn’t move
Student 3: But that’s not Josh! *pointing to student number 2* He is!
Student 2: Nah, I’m Zach!
In this situation, the substitute does not have enough information to climb out of the tangled web, and often these sharks are hungry for a pound of flesh. The only course of action is to locate the classroom phone and make a big, fat, important show of calling the principal for reinforcement. The sub may not know everyone’s name, but she can point out the culprits when the principal steps into the room.
- Make Alliances
Go into a classroom with the principal’s number written on your hand. Remember the name of the teacher next door. These are friendly, co-dictators each with their own small island of unruly subjects. And because you are only a provisional ruler, you will need their veteran advice.
- Double Check the Arsenal
As a lone operative, there is a good chance you will be asked to improvise. In such cases, the substitute should be prepared with a mental and physical arsenal of tricks—a question of the day, jokes, songs, a copy of Dr. Seuss’s Yertle the Turtle (a life saver of a book for a class of any age).
- The best offense is a defense
While it may be instructive to view substitute teaching as a combative process, it’s better to avoid skirmishes altogether. Keep a calm and cheerful cool. Put out fires before they happen. Deflect bad behavior from one student by loudly praising the good behavior another. Give high-fives for trying our best. Say thank you for listening. Laugh—kids love a good joke and, often, bad jokes. Positive reinforcement, while the most exhausting, is often the most strategic way to go.
After all, kids are kids, with good days and bad days, who come from safe homes and not-so-safe homes. And all kids, no matter how nice they are most the time, will always be a little terrible for their sub.
So at 3:15 on a Friday—with ten minutes to go before dismissal— if you find yourself rasping above the fray of towering and bellowing thirteen-year-olds who haven’t had a real teacher in two weeks, quietly surrender. But persevere. You can always turn to a couple of lonelier students, who look like they just want to talk, and have a conversation. Everyone will feel more human afterwards. You may not have won the war that day, but maybe you can win just that one student, if only for ten minutes. For Friday afternoon, that’s victory enough.
After a trial-by-fire year as public school substitute teacher and fly-by-night freelancer, Julia will shed the tribulations of the work-world to embark on a MA in art history and museum studies at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, OH. If you are in town, she’ll gladly take you to a local museum. She enjoys walks, leopard print, and good conversation.
