Time:

3:13 p.m.

Date:

November 1, 2022

Is the month off to a nice, clean start?

No

If no, please elaborate:

Last night I spilled Gold Peak Tea (Unsweetened) on my laptop while eating dinner (chicken quesadilla). This morning, November 1, a nice Apple Store Man confirmed that my laptop is dead. While I did in fact have some tasty Brie cheese with my lunch and the sun is shining and the trees have lots of beautiful orange colors and I’m healthy and most of my life is generally going quite well, I am not up to snuff at this time.

Are you requesting any Sick, Sleepy, Civic, Bored, Grumpy, or Quadrennial-Sporting-Event-Watching Leave?

Grumpy

List any references who are able to confirm your situation:

Apple Store Man (Alex). Genius Bar appointment at 11:15am, confirmed death of laptop and had very nice eyes.

Mother (Kathy). Phone call at 11:55am, gave permission to cry and affirmed next steps.

Please write the automated reply you’d like sent to those who encounter you during the time of your leave, if granted:

Hello, you have encountered me during a Grumpy Leave. I am aware that I am not my usual self and that if you ask me if anything is the matter I may be cagey and uncommunicative. Normally, I would feel bad for not responding to your concern more warmly, but thankfully I’ve been granted this time to just be grumpy for a bit. Thank you for your understanding during this difficult time. I will be returning to non-grumpy functioning on November 2.

Your request will be processed in 1.75–2.39 hours. In addition to the circumstances precipitating this Leave, do you have any other concerns? Please list:

• All the reading for grad school I have to do on my phone for the rest of the week
• If I’ll be able to rescue data from the deceased
• How heavy the doors to the Apple Store were (i.e., do I need to work out more?)
• That I don’t have a 401(k) or any money invested in mutual funds
• Am I antisocial or just content
• What I’ll eat for dinner tonight 
• How to keep in touch with friends who are far away while also making new friends here
• That my apartment might have mice 
• That I need to clean the toilet
• That I need to get an oil change
• That I need to have an adult sleep schedule
• That I need to eat more fiber
• That I need to procrastinate less
• That I need to take a deep breath
• Climate change

Thank you for your submission. A copy of this form has been emailed to you for your records.

We recommend going for a walk, staying hydrated, and hugging a big big pillow at this time. We do not recommend submerging yourself in any form of digital content as this rarely provides any substantive relief.

Take it easy, kid.

(But also you really do have to go do some homework. You still have class.)

Christina Ribbens

Christina Ribbens (’19) studied history, studio art, and data science at Calvin and public humanities at Georgetown. She now lives in the part of Virginia that’s almost Washington, DC where she helps award grants to arts nonprofits. She takes a lot of walks to admire the landscaping in peoples’ front yards, mostly listens to British comedians’ podcasts, and likes to make friends via sports.