We’re running out the door for another premarital counseling session. This is the third of five, and we are feeling at odds heading into this one. The constant to-do lists running through our minds have us both a bit on edge.

I assumed wedding planning would be deeply stressful, and it has been, but for different reasons than anticipated. The industry tries to make pre-wedding days anything but peaceful. Oh, you wanted tables at your event? That will be an extra $2,000. So sorry, you thought lighting was free? Jokes on you! Heaters for your winter wedding? We do have them, but you have to pay an extra $3,000.

I am partially exaggerating, but also most definitely not! Basic napkins are renting for four dollars per napkin. It’s wild out there, and I am apparently working in the wrong industry. We are making decisions about songs and food and first dances and outfits and florals and it all feels like a lot of hoopla, especially for a couple who strongly considered eloping.

It is no wonder we are feeling a bit untethered: we’re planning the largest event we’ve ever put together, managing expectations and travel schedules and itineraries, trying our best to keep track of our inboxes and each other. We are working full time and keeping our homes clean and our dog alive and just trying to keep our heads above water. We are packing his apartment for a move, I’m making room in mine—room for two lives to merge into one.

But from the moment we toured our venue, the main emotion I’ve been feeling about the day itself is peace. Each time I’m preparing for another meeting, designing another sign on canva, stalking another Etsy order I’m thinking, “This will all be worth it when we make it to the day.”

But counseling has reminded me of the truth: these small days before the big day are really where the marriage is made. We are learning how to pause before responding and to assume the best over the worst (or at least to try). Learning where the other is coming from and how to tackle conflict as a team—us against the problem, rather than each other. We’ve learned that the rupture is inevitable, but the repair is what really counts.

So I am grateful as we walk into our premarital session to be reminded of the reason we are coordinating logistics and purchasing a new tie and running around to last minute vendor meetings all month. Our love story is worth being celebrated.

It is worth it to gather our loved ones in the city we call home, worth it to allow everyone into our hearts on a day we will always remember. It’s worth it to feed those who have fed us so many meals over the years, pray with those who have prayed for us, rejoice over our union with the same people who celebrated our seventh birthdays and high school graduations. It is worth it to share our story with our closest people and feel supported as we step into the next season. It is worth it to feel uncomfortable as the center of attention for the sake of something bigger.

Olivia Harre

Olivia graduated from Calvin in May 2018 with a double major in business and writing. She now works as an editor in Nashville, Tennessee and is eating her way through the restaurants of her new town. She enjoys weekend trips with friends, petting other people’s dogs, and drinking coffee like a Gilmore Girl.