By the time you read this, I will be twenty-eight years old! I will have spent my birthday at work before roller derby practice, ending with watching a movie with my parents. It will be a quiet day, but it will be a good one.
I love my birthday. I love being the focus of attention. I certainly don’t mind gifts, though honestly I prefer when my friends go along with whatever silly bullshit I decide to put them through. Every year I try to throw a party that is some kind of shenanigan. We’ve done karaoke, roasts, a big witchy bonfire, and my most favorite so far, Shakespeare readings (we call it Shakespeareoke). Every year I’m delighted and impressed by my friends agreeing to show up and sign on to whatever scheme I’ve made this year with full effort. I had several friends who’d never seen or read let alone performed Shakespeare before who said they had a blast and would absolutely do it again. It’s so good knowing the people I love love me to that kind of degree and look forward to whatever I do next. Every year is an adventure, and I get to do it with them.
I have several friends who are not as interested in their birthdays, some to such a degree that they refuse to tell me when their birthdays are. I’ve never understood this. Obviously I understand that not everyone loves as much attention as I do, but to not even want anyone to know when it is? That seems so excessive to me. And for what? There aren’t many times in the day to day when it’s socially acceptable to celebrate yourself. It’s certainly the only one that doesn’t require massive effort like weddings or graduations. Lord knows I will celebrate at any moment for any reason. Why deny the easiest opportunity to get your friends to celebrate with you? Obviously I’m not saying everyone should do crazy parties like I do—I just think that people should always take the opportunity to celebrate themselves.
Similarly I’ve had a few friends who’ve wanted to do things like funeral themed parties when they turn thirty to celebrate the ‘death of their youth’ which also doesn’t make sense to me. Obviously as a gothic, I would love a funeral themed birthday party. It’s this idea that I find everywhere about how getting older is awful, as if the best parts of my life are already behind me. Listen, a lot of good things happened to me when I was a teenager, but I wouldn’t want to go back to that age and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to stay there. Similarly, there are a lot of things I have to deal with now that I didn’t have to when I was younger, like figuring out insurance, scheduling dentist appointments, and dealing with random back pain. However, I’ve gotten to do so many more fascinating and marvelous things as an adult that there’s no way I’d be able to do as a kid, like stage shows, MC burlesque, do roller derby, and make my own show on Youtube. Being an adult gives me a lot more control. I set my own bedtimes, for better and for worse. I buy my own presents when the day is a bit rough as well as manage the disappointment if a present isn’t in this week’s budget.
I know some of it has to do with regretting wasted time, of not doing enough with that elusive thing known as ‘youth’ before it slips away. I won’t deny that I wish I’d finished more projects over the years, but that doesn’t stop me from being excited about what’s to come. I did plenty of things in my ‘youth’ that were awesome and that I’m really proud of! And what I haven’t done yet, the only place it can get done now is the future. Why shouldn’t I be excited to get older?
More than anything, my birthday is a signpost in the ground of how far I’ve come. It’s the opportunity to look back down the path I’ve climbed and see how far I’ve come and how much I’ve changed. I think about the person I was in high school, the different things I struggled with and succeeded in; the person I was in college, confused and struggling but trying everything to see what sticks; and the person out of college just trying to get by and have a good time doing it through the good and the bad. In that vein, it also gives me the position to look forward and think about what’s coming next. What am I going to have to figure out next? What will I create? Where will I go? What will I do? Every day I’m learning and trying and making the best moves I can. I am so curious to see who I’ll become ten, fifteen, or even fifty years from now!
A mini tradition I have is every year I film a small video of me lipsyncing along to some part of a song saying the number of how old I’m turning. I’ve been doing it since I turned twenty-two, and it’s been a fun exercise! Every time I do it I get to see these artifacts of my past selves from over the years. I’ve changed several homes, jobs, and hair colors in just the six years I’ve done it so far. It’s crazy how much life I’ve lived in just that small span of time.
I’m going to keep getting older. I don’t have a choice. I know there’s a lot of things that are frustrating about getting older and things I will never be able to do again. Life will continue to change, and I will continue to struggle to get what I want out of it. But honestly, that’s what is so exciting to me. My life is mine to do with it whatever I can. I don’t know what will happen and I can only ever do the best with where I am and what I have. I’ve lived a good bit of life in my twenty-eight years, and hopefully I’ll have so much more of it to go. I am so excited to see what comes next.
Sam is unsure what exact words describe them best: Lunatic has been used, Gothic Romantic is apt, and Big ol’ Nerd is reductive but true. Mostly they just like stories in whatever form stories can be found. Sam specializes in Frankenstein, running “The Uncanny Productions” on YouTube, but they also dabble with podcasts, singing, and theatre as well. They have a DVD collection that’s long outgrown its shelf, a coffin they use as a desk, and an unrelenting joy for things that are spooky, ridiculous, or magical.
