Another National Day of Patriotic Devotion is upon us and Leftist loons try to fight back in Steve Bannon’s masterpiece.
Inauguration Day was born from the brilliantly stark mind of Chief Strategist Steve Bannon, who produced and directed the film.
Bannon reached out to Melania Trump to help him turn his idea for an action-adventure, rom-com into an original screenplay. After her 2018 hit Life of Me, a film loosely based on the Michelle Obama memoir of a similar name, Melania and her team of writers are back.
The film begins as pre-inaugural celebrations are well underway, and Donald finds himself the only pageant judge for the annual Trump National Swimsuit Competition. But who will be crowned Miss Swimsuit 2021?
Alec Baldwin gives the performance of his career as Donald J. Trump in the days leading up to his second inauguration, proving that Mike Pence’s “Dumocrat to Republican” conversion camps change lives for the better.
Climate change believing moonbat and voice of the lazy “underserved,” Bernie Sanders is the villain of this grand tale. Gary Busey fully embodies a misguided Bernie attempting to infiltrate the competition by posing as a pageant contestant in order to assassinate Trump. However, Trump is able to outsmart, outwit, and outthink the nefarious plots against him at every turn. There is romance—as Trump continues his adorable string of love affairs—and danger—as Bernie gets closer to poisoning the Commander and Chief’s daily taco bowl.
People have compared Inauguration Day to such classics as Dr. Strangelove, a film that taught us how true power reigns supreme using weapons of mass destruction, and Miss Congeniality, for reasons I’ve been told are obvious.
Reviving his career after the Vegas Collapse, Taylor Hicks plays a delightful, often confused-looking, Mike Pence in re-enactments of interviews at major pipeline destinations around the country on Comcast World News.
When asked about the scenes in North Dakota, Energy Secretary Rick Perry said, “Generations from now, people will still be talking about this movie.”
The foxy Kellyanne Conway is portrayed by none other than Kellyanne herself. In interviews with Breitbart Entertainment following the infamous and final Episode 850 of SNL, Kellyanne reminisced about the law passed via Twitter that made it illegal for anyone to display her likeness on film or television. This law obviously does not apply to her.
Scandal ensued when starlet Annabelle Van Der Graaf was cast as Beyoncé Knowles. Fans of Van Der Graaf worried that she would be forced to compromise her morals to play a “feminist icon.” But viewers will be glad to know that her performance shows us exactly the kind of lady Knowles has always been: a nasty one.
The film’s derring-do climax takes place at one of our nation’s many abandoned public schools. The haunting halls make for gorgeous cinema and cheap overhead costs. In a statement made after filming locations were made public, Education Secretary Betsy DeVos said, “Isn’t progress exciting? The people asked for this!”
Inauguration Day features Greg Upchurch’s striking score. Dredged from obscurity after his band’s 2017 January performance, the 3 Doors Down drummer has since evolved into a treasured composer. The film also boasts a cover of Loretta Lynn’s 1968 track “Fist City” performed by Kid Rock, featuring Azealia Banks. The single has hit Number 1 on all the major streaming services according to Oval Office press releases.
I had the honor of seeing an advanced screening of the spectacular Inauguration Day, which is set to hit screens the year of Trump’s presumed re-election. According to White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer, it was the most well attended advanced screening our country has ever seen. Alternative facts confirm his statement.
The film’s Moscow premiere was also a triumphant success. The Washington Post quotes Putin as saying, “I don’t consume media by people who have betrayed the Motherland. This film was rather enjoyable.”
Over at defamed America-hating news cartel MSNBC, dishonest entertainment pundits Wolf Blitzer and Megan Kelly claim Inauguration Day is a propaganda film. This is, of course, Socialist drivel.
As taking screenshots of the President’s Twitter feed is now illegal, here are the 3:00 a.m. Oval Office press releases regarding the modern classic (to the best of my recollection):
“The best movie ever made! Critics everywhere LOVE it. Cannes standing ovation. Big appalls!”
“Ann Coulter as the overrated Meryl Streep is the best performance since Kellyanne as Kellyanne.”
“I’d never let Beyoncé compete in a competition. Movie-me is major loser!”
“Bossy, mean woman didn’t make the script. Sorry, Killary fans *thumbs up emoji* *wall emoji*”
“Some people just can’t get over things”
“Did you see my big hands in that movie? Their larger than average!”
The author would like to take this time to thank Donald J. Trump: Mother of Dragons, Lord of Earth, Wind and Fire, President of these United States of North and South America, for the opportunity to attend the advanced screening of Inauguration Day.
Please welcome today’s guest writer, Richard Martin. Richard, a 2014 writing and film & media studies grad, can be found living in Nova Scotia, writing aircraft manuals, singing with friends, attending rallies, teaching English at the library, and/or watching far too much television.