SUPER LIKE
This girl really isn’t my type, but I’ve heard of people just being friends from Tinder stuff, so I think, Maybe we can have a let’s-be-friends conversation at some point.
Apartment 2G
There were fifteen of us sitting on the floor, playing Mario Tennis on GameCube, like kids. He stormed in, all sideburns and mustache, and yelled at us like kids.
European
They’re as excited about America as we are about Europe. We want to see the Alps; they want to see the Rocky Mountains. We want to take a train; they want to road trip.
You’re Bleeding
I’m sitting in a chair at the ear, nose, and throat place. The doctor is sliding a tiny camera up my nose. On the screen in front of me is the inside of my nose.
Lest We Forget
…Now what?, we wondered. Do you buy a bumper sticker or put a note up on Facebook? (Not that those are bad things, but they sure seem to fall short.)
Quitting
Quitting, when other people are involved, is extremely difficult for me because I like to make people happy. Quitting invariably means that I’m not making someone happy.
Hoverboards, and Other Expectations
There was no lightning. No music. No narrator. No hoverboards. I learned that people lie to you in order to get you to buy things, and I learned not to trust commercials.
If Only
We’re waiting in the lobby, and we see them. She walks over to us, and we’re thinking, oh boy. Later we would say, “It was so weird, because she sure sounded hot.”
Four Minutes in a Basement
If you’re confident in yourself, the crowd is confident in you. So maybe starting off with, “This is my first time doing this!” wasn’t a good idea.
V for Victory
I was in an honors history class during my junior year of high school. (Did he say…honors??? You bet I did, impressed reader, and I escaped with a C+.)
“Look On My Works Ye Mighty, and Despair”
I don’t have to dress up to go to work! HA! You rat-racers. You penguin-suited pieces of—what?! You don’t have to dress up either? Wait, you work and talk with real humans?
You Are A Tourist
He was there alone for about fifteen seconds, eyes closed, loving every moment. Those seconds were an eternity. A mop-headed kid in a big t-shirt ran up behind him and grabbed his shoulder.
I’m No Better
If you’re someone who doesn’t like to help people, who is selfish, and who is like me, you hate reading this stuff. “SO what, Bart? Make me feel bad for walking past a homeless person?
Let Go and Let It Grow
Why was I so afraid of losing this thing? I thought of it as Sampson’s hair—when I grew it, I scored more goals in hockey, hit harder, was a better leader, made better jokes, talked to more girls…
Somewhere in Middle America
We drove into the night, and every five to ten miles, we’d see a light in the distance. A farmhouse, no doubt. People live there, no doubt. Where do they get water? Groceries? Where do they go to school?
My Neighbor’s Wind Chimes
How many wind chimes would be considered reasonable? One, maybe. If it’s nice sounding (silent) and pretty to look at. Two are means for legal action. Guess how many she has. Go ahead.
Calling All High School Students
88% of the calls: Beep-bop-boop-beep dialing the phone. Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring. Robot voice: Hello, 7-0-8-5-5-5-5-5-1-1 is not available, please leave a message…
CAMP.
The good stuff was taken. No waterskiing, no archery, no boating. The woman confirmed my fear: “We’ll put you drama and arts and crafts!”
Young Love
Finally, a girl asked me to dance. I was always taught to ‘respect women,’ so we danced with our arms outstretched, creating a mini Arc de Triomphe on the outskirts of the floor.
Recruit THIS
I hated saying no to people. I’m slowly getting better at it. I would have joined the Marines because I didn’t want to hurt this nice Sergeant’s feelings.
Lexington Minutemen
The cheerleaders sat in the bleachers and did muffled clapping and stomping routines. (The clapping was muffled on account of the mittens.)
A Time to Clean
While I was home we hosted gatherings, which means we cleaned. As it turns out, my mom’s idea of clean and my idea of clean are not the same, and have not been the same for some time.
Hunger Games 2: Catching Mediocrity
The film, Hunger Games: Catching Fire, followed the book decently, but they added a brilliant (Read: horribly irritating) element: excessive screaming.
This Is The Way; Walk In It
The world became bigger. I keep asking, where do I build my life? Around a job or career? Passions, in general? A girl? How much do you sacrifice for someone, and at what point?
Basketball
I’m getting better at b-ball, but it’s in the same way that I’m getting better at kite-boarding, pogo-sticking, goat-milking, or anything else that I never practice.
AIM Made Me Do It (Part Two)
We all came out from behind our trees like were were ambushing the Redcoats and let our eggs fly. CRACK CRACKCRACK. Three out of five, not bad.
How’s My Driving?
When you see a rental moving truck on the road, pass it like your life depends on it. Because your life probably depends on it.
Moving
In Chicago there are people called “apartment finders.” There’s probably a technical term, like a “broker” or a “realtor”, but who cares. You tell them what you’re looking for and they hunt it down.
