Bart Tocci

Bart Tocci (’11) lives in Boston where he write essays, performs at open mics, and threatens to start taco restaurants. He’s been told that he looks like the kind of guy who stands up for what’s right. And who goes to the store before the party. Read more here:

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Buyer’s Remorse

I bought a car again and when you buy a car you submit yourself to lies and deceit and interest rates.

This is 30

A lot of people talk about turning thirty like you’re turning dead.

The Ones

I grew up knowing that I would not date a woman unless we were going to get married. No pressure, you’ll know when you know, but figure it out and don’t mess it up or your entire life will be ruined.

Still Hungry

Lamb and lentils, red wine, pumpkin thing, red wine, red wine, cracker with stuff on it, red wine, sake. We stopped at Anna’s for a burrito, because no matter how good the food is, you always get hungry again.

The Bloodmobile

After a full bag, they unplugged me and fed me Cheez-Its and sent me on my way. I would soon discover that drinking a PBR immediately after giving blood isn’t a good idea

Breaking up with Blue Apron

It started like any romance—I gave her a coupon for thirty percent off, then my credit card number and address, known allergies, social security number, and blood type.

To Be Known Again

When you start to recognize people and places, and you start to be recognized, you start to feel home. Re-cognize—from the Latin cognoscere, “to know.” To re-know, or to know again.

Self Deprecation Man

“I suck at math.” “I’m bad at writing.” “Nobody likes me.” “People don’t get my jokes.” Stop it.


The grate creeks and I move to step off, but it snaps under my weight. I’m falling. I thought I could grab the side of the sidewalk, but I can’t.

The Great Challenge of Trying

Setting a goal is setting yourself up for failure. You set a goal when you want to achieve something, you don’t set a goal for something you already have.

To Any Survivors:

It’s November ninth. I’m broadcasting to you from a bunker deep underground near the Earth’s core where it’s still warm. The election was yesterday, and we all know what happened.

The World Keeps Going

I thought, if I just touch the wood of the casket, maybe God will bring him back. What if that happened? How amazing would that be? Then everyone would believe in God.

I Love My Life

“When I’m feeling tired, when I’m feeling upset, when I don’t want to get out of bed, you know what I say? I. Love. My. Life.” She paused, looked at us, and yelled, “I LOVE MY LIFE!”

Cannibal of GR

The story goes, that a girl was traveling abroad… either that or she was in Grand Rapids… or Boston or Austin or Mauston. Which is in Wisconsin… anyways, minor details…


Terminal A is actually still a part of the old Soviet Union, and has been under construction since before planes were a thing. Want food? One option: The Earl of Sandwich.

Public School

Amazing. What utopia am I in? Is this what I’ve been missing at private school? Do all public schools work like this? You just walk into a party and someone comes up to you with a list of girls who want to make out? Unreal!

I Live With An Older Couple

There’s beer in the fridge and it doesn’t say, “Kirkland Signature.” (No hate.) There’s bourbon in the liquor cabinet. There’s a liquor cabinet. There’s a cabinet. I’ve never lived in a cleaner place. I’ve never used more sturdy cutlery.


He walked around naked in the locker room because that’s what the older boys did. He seemed to be naked more than other people. He was the Chief, after all.


I’m afraid that I’ll settle and never do anything I set out to do. I’m worried that life will slip by and I’ll be an old man saying, “If only I hadn’t settled for anything less than butterflies, I’d be a butterfly by now and not a caterpillar.”

Almost Great

We like Tony C. because he was good, but we love him because he could have been great. We love him for his potential. We love him because we can imagine what he could have been. 100 home runs by twenty-two? He could have been the best player who ever lived.

Head of the Charles

For someone unfamiliar with competitive rowing, it looks like people rowing a boat down a river. For someone familiar with competitive rowing, I have to assume it also looks like people rowing a boat down a river.


This girl really isn’t my type, but I’ve heard of people just being friends from Tinder stuff, so I think, Maybe we can have a let’s-be-friends conversation at some point.

Apartment 2G

There were fifteen of us sitting on the floor, playing Mario Tennis on GameCube, like kids. He stormed in, all sideburns and mustache, and yelled at us like kids.


They’re as excited about America as we are about Europe. We want to see the Alps; they want to see the Rocky Mountains. We want to take a train; they want to road trip.