Good and Mad
There was another dad in the group, but he’s gone back to work. Poor guy, couldn’t hack it.
Bart Tocci (’11) lives in Boston where he writes essays, performs at open mics, and threatens to start taco restaurants. He’s been told that he looks like the kind of guy who stands up for what’s right. And who goes to the store before the party. Read more here: barttocci.wordpress.com
Next Chapter
This was where I came of age. I was born in Boston, grew up in Lexington, and came of age in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
The Sex Talk I Never Had
Could my parents have admitted they were too busy or uncomfortable to teach me? Yes.
Am I mad, bro? No.
Beginning
I don’t know a lot about war, but I know that you can’t jump into a battle if you are unprepared to finish. It’s the same with writing and working and everything that matter—if it matters, you finish.
My First Spin Class
Spinning is for the classic Millennials who buy high-tech gear, who wear bike shorts with butt pads, whose sleeveless shirts were purchased like that.
I Hope We Can Still Be Friends
The main reason for the break up was something she called “bad timing.”
You, Me, and a Nepalese Woman Living in India
A weird thing: when women donate their eggs, we say that their eggs are harvested. Is there a farming term more farming than harvest? No. No there is not.
Buyer’s Remorse
I bought a car again and when you buy a car you submit yourself to lies and deceit and interest rates.
This is 30
A lot of people talk about turning thirty like you’re turning dead.
The Ones
I grew up knowing that I would not date a woman unless we were going to get married. No pressure, you’ll know when you know, but figure it out and don’t mess it up or your entire life will be ruined.
Still Hungry
Lamb and lentils, red wine, pumpkin thing, red wine, red wine, cracker with stuff on it, red wine, sake. We stopped at Anna’s for a burrito, because no matter how good the food is, you always get hungry again.
Yourself, Eventually
If a Bart sings in the woods and no one hears him, does he make a sound?
The Bloodmobile
After a full bag, they unplugged me and fed me Cheez-Its and sent me on my way. I would soon discover that drinking a PBR immediately after giving blood isn’t a good idea
Breaking up with Blue Apron
It started like any romance—I gave her a coupon for thirty percent off, then my credit card number and address, known allergies, social security number, and blood type.
Conquer the Entire World
Ah crap. I suddenly became very aware of my shortcomings: namely, my lack of any credentials at all.
Something About Being a Man
This is a theme with guys: if you’re going to be vulnerable, you do it right as you are walking away.
To Be Known Again
When you start to recognize people and places, and you start to be recognized, you start to feel home. Re-cognize—from the Latin cognoscere, “to know.” To re-know, or to know again.
Self Deprecation Man
“I suck at math.” “I’m bad at writing.” “Nobody likes me.” “People don’t get my jokes.” Stop it.
Graying
The grate creeks and I move to step off, but it snaps under my weight. I’m falling. I thought I could grab the side of the sidewalk, but I can’t.
The Great Challenge of Trying
Setting a goal is setting yourself up for failure. You set a goal when you want to achieve something, you don’t set a goal for something you already have.
Nothing Wasted
When is the last time
You knew what you wanted?
To Any Survivors:
It’s November ninth. I’m broadcasting to you from a bunker deep underground near the Earth’s core where it’s still warm. The election was yesterday, and we all know what happened.
The World Keeps Going
I thought, if I just touch the wood of the casket, maybe God will bring him back. What if that happened? How amazing would that be? Then everyone would believe in God.
I Love My Life
“When I’m feeling tired, when I’m feeling upset, when I don’t want to get out of bed, you know what I say? I. Love. My. Life.” She paused, looked at us, and yelled, “I LOVE MY LIFE!”
A Night in Martha’s Vineyard
The sign in front of The Katama General Store reads: “Free Scones for all Presidents.”
Becoming Who Everyone Already Thinks You Are
Because my last name is the same as the company name, I am sometimes asked if I am the owner of the company. Which always seems funny to me. “You think I’m responsible enough to own something?
Cannibal of GR
The story goes, that a girl was traveling abroad… either that or she was in Grand Rapids… or Boston or Austin or Mauston. Which is in Wisconsin… anyways, minor details…
Delayed
Terminal A is actually still a part of the old Soviet Union, and has been under construction since before planes were a thing. Want food? One option: The Earl of Sandwich.
Public School
Amazing. What utopia am I in? Is this what I’ve been missing at private school? Do all public schools work like this? You just walk into a party and someone comes up to you with a list of girls who want to make out? Unreal!
I Live With An Older Couple
There’s beer in the fridge and it doesn’t say, “Kirkland Signature.” (No hate.) There’s bourbon in the liquor cabinet. There’s a liquor cabinet. There’s a cabinet. I’ve never lived in a cleaner place. I’ve never used more sturdy cutlery.
