1. Others told you to do it. Everyone has a blog! Literally, everyone. Nicole Richie has a blog. So does Rosie O’Donnell. There’s a blog on Tumblr dedicated to pictures of Kim Jong-Il “looking at things.” Remember “Texts from Bennett”? Even “lonely cheetos” have a blog, for those riveted by images of puffed cornmeal in isolation in the wild.
If you consider yourself a savant, an American, or literate, you simply must have a blog.
Undoubtedly, a few friends have told you to start a blog because you said something interesting once, right? And last time I checked, if your peers tell you to do something, you should always do it. So, you think you need one—so does your mother—and the civilized world has basically made it a prerequisite to even modest popularity—how else are you supposed to “get your name out there?”—so get on it.
2. Public diary. Privacy and personal introspection never achieved anything. You’ve been keeping a journal for years, scribbling slivers of brilliance, jotting poems about exes and teenage angst. Really, keeping this to yourself is criminal.
How better to publically convey your mood swings? Where better to dive into the gossip of our time? What more appropriate means for professing to the world that, yes, you had a pumpkin spice latte today and, yes, you enjoyed it more than other drinks you’ve had recently and, yes, the barista was slow, kind of, and probably not a natural brunette?
Skip the Twitter amateur hour. This sounds like blog territory to me.
3. You deserve a platform. Go ahead, put yourself up there on that pedestal. You’ve earned it. You’re you, after all. It’s not that you like to hear yourself talk. It’s that others like to hear you talk. Besides, you have some really ground-breaking things to say.
It’s not just anyone who can talk with your kind of authority about politics (mostly healthcare and gun control, because you know your limits), relationships (with significant others, but also with “inner you”) and literature (no one else read “The Hunger Games,” did they?).
People used to call this kind of thing narcissism, but, well, what do you think?
And frankly, you went out drinking with some friends last night, you made some very strong points about “the current cultural psyche” and you have something that needs to be said.
4. Everyone needs a safe place to hate. Ranting about the Biebs in, say, an Applebee’s can cast you in a bad light. Might make you come across bitter, infantile, mean. But they can’t kick you off the internet. (Can they kick you off the internet?) There’s nothing wrong with hiding behind the impersonal—and sometimes anonymous—curtain of our digital age.
Think of your blog as your personal YouTube comments box. You can say whatever you want about whatever and whoever, and you never have to worry about being punched or arrested or any of that real-world-consequence stuff. (Can they arrest you for what you post online?)
On a blog, knee-jerk reactions and general nastiness is just what the doctor ordered —the doctor being your legions of loyal readers. This blog can foster your inner cynic.
So post those photos. Spout those diatribes. And definitely don’t proofread or think about what you’re writing. Digital ink is free and not permanent.
5. Face-to-face communication is so twentieth century. We’re not in the Dark Ages anymore. Interacting in person is “quaint” and “backwards.” And it opens you up to all sorts of problems you can avoid by living online: emotion, nuance, the look of people, the smell of them, hugging, handshakes, warmth, perceptiveness, physical proximity. You can write a blog naked! You never have to put yourself out there or be open. When was the last time that actually talking to someone avoided the risk of actually feeling something?
We’ve evolved beyond confabs, fellowship, body language, discussion, debate. Our space-age sensibilities are more sophisticated now. Aren’t you familiar with following? With reposting? With emoticons?
A blog will allow you to talk to everyone without actually talking to anyone. Start your blog today so you won’t have to hold conversation in real life. And for your sake—and the sake of progress—let the relic of interpersonal communication die, then strip to nothing but your underwear, grab a Coke, nix all the lights except the glow from your screen and write about the 90s, when people were weird and troubled with talking to each other.
6. The money. Probably the best reason to get your blog going is the cash.
Blogging is the noble profession of our age, and the cashflow reflects that. Six-figure incomes are basically the norm for anyone who’s half-decent behind the keyboard.
Post twice a week for best results, or once a week for a livable inflow of bitcoins and Benjamin stacks. If you start today, you can expect to quit your job downtown in three-to-ninety months. Read any of the million articles out there called “Make money blogging” and you’ll see how easy it is.
Advertisers and VCs are dying to invest in upstart blogs, especially those about people, places or things.
Bloggers reliably get rich, and most acquire considerable fame thanks to dependable, you-hungry readers.
In the end, blogging is as easy as write, post, cha-ching.
After a few years spent correcting grammatical errors and writing subtle, clever headlines in a Chicago newsroom, Griffin Paul Jackson (’11) now does aid work with refugees in Lebanon. He writes about that, God, and, when the muse descends, Icelandic sheep. Read him here: griffinpauljackson.com.
