Our theme for the month of October is “states.”
As a survivor of the Illinois school system, I have spent a good amount of time studying Abraham Lincoln. The state is so proud of him, going so far as to make “Land of Lincoln” our official state motto and putting it on their license plates, despite the fact that he wasn’t even born here! Journeying to Springfield to the Lincoln museum was such a big deal in fifth grade. The museum is huge, complete with a replica of his childhood home, many of Mary Todd’s original dresses, and a visually stunning live performance whose special effects I still think about to this day. Everyone loves good old Honest Abe in Illinois.
Despite all this emphasis, I can’t say I had much fondness for Lincoln. And I still don’t, really. Presidents have never been heroes for me, and the guy who reluctantly freed slaves and is mostly famous for his funny hat certainly wouldn’t be at the top of my list. The historical Lincoln is an interesting figure, sure, but occupies very little space in my mind.
But there is a Lincoln I think about. And it is the incredibly fictional Abraham Lincoln of the film Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter from 2012. It is exactly what it sounds like: a movie about Abraham Lincoln hunting vampires. Based on the novel of the same name by Seth Grahame-Smith (author of other notable works such as Pride and Prejudice and Zombies), the film is as ridiculous as it sounds.
The catch is that everyone who worked on this film took their jobs deathly seriously.
As a lover of bad movies, I didn’t expect much of this film except a good time with the most ridiculous concept ever put to screen. So when I found myself getting sucked into the narrative of a vengeance bound young man learning what it means to truly do good in a world bound by corrupt institutions, I was a bit shocked. I was honestly invested. Earnest emotional moments would be perfectly buffeted by ridiculous but sincere and well executed action scenes. It perfectly rides the line of being serious while also having fun with its insane premise. The cast is stacked with great actors who are bringing so much to these characters—characters who are surprisingly well written! The editing in this movie is honestly phenomenal. It has some of the most stunning transitions I’ve ever seen in a film. The costumes, the make up, even the set designs are all high effort with complete commitment. No expense was spared in this, which is very unusual! Movies like this don’t get made anymore because what studio would take that kind of risk on a title that so clearly sounds like a joke? But despite that joke, everyone is working so hard that you can’t help but be in awe at how well made this movie about Abe Lincoln hunting vampires is.
I cannot stress enough how much this film made me care about Abraham Lincoln, something a decade of schooling in The Land of Lincoln couldn’t get into me. His journey in the movie starts with him as a lonely young man who feels helpless in a world that’s taken everything from him. In his own words, he was “a man who struggled against darkness.” Over the course of the movie, he struggles against the darkness of vampires, yes, but also darkness within himself, learning to find a way to live that’s not just fueled by rage or revenge but by caring for the people around him. He ends the film a scarred but loved father and friend who risks everything to help make real change for a whole nation. He’s a character whose story I love to see play out on the screen time and time again. As a writer I find myself obsessing over it, trying to find the specific tricks used that made me emotionally invest in the ridiculous fake story about a president.
And it is very fake. I cannot be clearer about the way this story is fake—and not just about adding vampires to American history, but the way it presents American History itself. Lincoln is shown as if he viewed black people as equal to white and had always wanted to end the institution of slavery. He fights to protect an America where the rancid crime of slavery was easily wiped away after a few battles, where slavery was America’s only horrific sin. The film places the blame of genocides perpetuated by our nation’s founders on a fictional enemy that we can hunt and defeat in a tidy hour and forty five minutes and wash our hands of. The nation and the people in it are pure fantasy, even those based on real historical people. It’s a world maybe viewers might prefer: where our great American heroes were always on the right side of history and didn’t have complicated opinions on moral issues; where the greatest struggles weren’t mundane, political, and ongoing, but dramatic and epic with neat conclusions.
I don’t want this to come across as if I think Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter is better or more interesting than the actual history of Lincoln. That is not the case. Lincoln was a fascinating figure in a particularly fraught part of American History. If the Illinois education system succeeded in anything, it did give me that amount of appreciation for the complicated life he lived, in both his successes and failures. Despite him not being born in Illinois, he was a huge part of it for a long time. He still means a lot to us. We certainly meant enough to him that he’s buried in Springfield, the city he called his home for many decades. He is well appreciated.
When I was in high school, a group of my friends got together and we decided to watch the 2012 film. It was my second time seeing it but everyone else’s first. I remember one of my friends wrinkling her nose at one point, saying, “what is this? Lincoln wasn’t an abolitionist.”
I turned to her and said, “I’m sorry Jill, is Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter not historically accurate enough for you?”
I know Lincoln never fought vampires and I wouldn’t want to live in a world where he had. I know the Lincoln I watch repeatedly on screen is nothing more than a well constructed story. I will still appreciate that construction and the people who constructed it that really didn’t have to go as hard as they did. This movie is genuinely one of my favorite comfort films. I’m so in awe of the passion that went into this ridiculous project for no reason other than they could and they wanted to, and I’m so glad they did. I will continue to watch this goofy yet insanely earnest film about a president who kills vampires with an axe.
Sam is unsure what exact words describe them best: Lunatic has been used, Gothic Romantic is apt, and Big ol’ Nerd is reductive but true. Mostly they just like stories in whatever form stories can be found. Sam specializes in Frankenstein, running “The Uncanny Productions” on YouTube, but they also dabble with podcasts, singing, and theatre as well. They have a DVD collection that’s long outgrown its shelf, a coffin they use as a desk, and an unrelenting joy for things that are spooky, ridiculous, or magical.
