‘Joyful’ is not a word I’ve gravitated towards a lot lately (probably for obvious reasons). Almost exactly two years since the world shut down, words like unprecedented, tragic, burnout and loss, have much more commonly frequented my vocabulary. But despite all the exhaustion and chaos, joyfulness is something I deeply want to experience. It seems like an odd time to think about joy, as horrific war rages on across the globe, coming on the heels of global division, frustration, and sickness, no less.

Ben Rector—one of my favorite artists—just released an album called The Joy of Music, and listening to it has prompted some reflection on the feeling of joy. Ben’s effort in writing the album (mostly authored in peak quarantine times) was to find his way back to what he used to love about writing music. A longtime songwriter, Ben gravitated towards writing music naturally. But once his music was his career, writing became more about album success and presenting a perfect product rather than making the music that really meant something to him. Somewhere along the line, the creative experience lost its joy.  

I think doing anything creative for a job has the potential to crush the imagination. I am occasionally asked to write at my work, and I find it increasingly more difficult to get the creative juices flowing when I’m ‘forced’ to, as opposed to when I write for fun. It’s exciting to pick up a pen (or more realistically, a laptop keyboard) when the inspiration strikes, but not so much when you’re handed an assignment with a firm due date. 

Perfectionism definitely plays a role in this for me as well. If I’m writing for my own enjoyment, I’m much less focused on tying up my ideas with a perfectly-worded ribbon of thoughts and more inclined to use words and phrases that sound interesting or make me smile. And a piece of writing is never really finished—it could be molded and changed endlessly over time—and the chance that something I’ve written could be made better paralyzes me into never wanting to publish anything at all. Where’s the joy in that? 

Ben took a risk with this album, filling the tracklist with jazzy saxophone solos and a song featuring Snoop Dogg and stories about how becoming a father changed his life for the better. The resulting album is a picture of him embracing change, trying new things, and finally experiencing joy as he stepped out of his comfort zone. And because he was willing to take that risk, some really fun songs are in the world as a result.

The battle against perfectionism is one I will likely always fight as a writer. Meticulously picking apart sentences is not always a joy-filled process, but the moment of clarity when a thought comes together after hours of clamoring for the right words, or when I know I’ve written a sentence my grandma will love, does feel almost worth it.

1 Comment

  1. Chris Gordon

    Olivia! I love love love reading your articles! They always give me joy and something to think about. You are a PHENOMENAL writer! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and your art with us.

    Reply

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