A Runner’s Testimony
It finally dawned on me that if I didn’t look like Tina Turner by now, it was probably not going to happen ever.
Variations on Messiah
But the Mystery of Love prevailed: God did not say Goodbye or Who Are You but Hey Ya; no Ghost Rule, but God crowned Jesus Lord of the Castle.
Benediction for the Bakery Manager
I learned how to use the mechanical bread slicer to slice fresh loaves of garlic tuscan, and how to base-ice a buttercream celebration cake.
Dear Posterity
While she wrestled greatly with the tension of simultaneously desiring community and independence, it is clear that she was actually nailing it the entire time and really had nothing to worry about.
The Dog-Man Question
The lack of human hands was a dealbreaker for some members, who were told to “be the pickle jar opener in their own life,” by the group members who chose this option.
An Ode to the Turkey
Let me tell you, dear reader, nothing so wrenches the heart like turkey tears.
Welcome to the 1-800-GRADSCHOOL Hotline
We encourage you to recognize that your grunt labor for them is really grunt labor for us, and we would like to make sure we get as much out of you as possible before allowing you to limp away free.
Who Do You Think You Are?
I am not the same as I was at four years old, but I am the same person. Right?
I’m Thankful for Dua Lipa
Dua Lipa is one of the most erotic artists in the pop-music industry. Let me explain.
On Days Off…
If it’s not one job, it’s two, and if it’s not two jobs, it’s three.
