In the spirit of John Green’s book of the same title, our theme for the month of October is “the Anthropocene reviewed.” Writers were asked to review and rate some facet of human experience on a five-star scale.

Heterosexuality is not the natural state of all living things. Heterosexual reproduction is pretty common in people, and many plants and animals, but have you looked at bacteria? It’s asexual reproduction all the way down. Besides, the human idea of “sexuality” serves a different purpose than “reproduction”: being heterosexual doesn’t mean you will reproduce, and not being heterosexual doesn’t mean you won’t.

Heterosexuality is not inherently or uniquely appropriate for children. It’s absurd that a cartoon showing a kid’s mom and dad is seen as neutral while a family with two moms is evidence of an “agenda.” And on the flip side, comments that sexualize children shouldn’t ever be okay, regardless of the heterosexual norms they reproduce.

Heterosexuality is not always off-putting. I have friends who are heterosexual. I’m even the product of two heterosexuals!

Heterosexuality is not the root of all evil. Yes, it contributes to inequality and oppression, but it isn’t doing that alone: white supremacy and patriarchy and capitalism shoulder much of the responsibility for making the world a worse place. And unlike those peers, heterosexuality isn’t absolutely bad—it just has terrible friends.

Heterosexuality is not a source of community. I’m not saying heterosexuals are loners, just that you have to find community through other aspects of your identity, passions, and interests. Some forms of heterosexuality make this harder, though, like white Western heterosexuality, where the isolated nuclear family forces you to really make an effort to find and form communities.

Heterosexuality is not entirely void of art. I’ve seen Pride and Prejudice (2005) and read a lot of Toni Morrison; I know you all have some powerful credentials in the world of creating meaning and wonder.

Heterosexuality is not politically neutral. Being heterosexual informs your perspective of the world. Heterosexuals can’t make unbiased analyses of either LGBTQ+ issues or heterosexual issues, because having biases is part of being a person. You can acknowledge those biases and still do good work!

Heterosexuality is not necessarily your only option. Queer-assembled sexuality-interrogating resources could open new avenues for you to explore.

Heterosexuality is not challenging. It doesn’t force you to question anything, like why you dust the contents of the shelves that your partner mounted on the wall, or why your partner takes the trash to the curb while you clean the floor it was sitting on. You can certainly have conversations and take on roles that play on your strengths, but within heterosexuality, you can just as easily default to gender norms and put zero effort into creating your best self.

Heterosexuality is not a source of liberation. It’s the status quo, the expected thing. Heterosexuality itself doesn’t have the capacity to inspire passion, to push boundaries, to ignite change.

Heterosexuality is not the future. Sure, heterosexuals will still be around, but increased visibility of the LGBTQ+ community is helping more people see themselves outside of the confines of heterosexuality. The influence of heterosexuality is waning.

I give heterosexuality two stars.

Gwyneth Findlay

Gwyneth Findlay is an editor living in Aberdeenshire, Scotland, where she mentally and physically collects world maps. She graduated from Calvin in 2018 with a degree in writing and minors in French and gender studies.