I have a love-hate relationship with blogging.

That’s a strange way to start a blog post, I know. But it’s true. Before the post calvin, I kept a blog called “episcotheque,” and while my self-discipline waned after a couple of years, I really enjoyed writing it. I especially enjoyed the connections I was able to make as a result—I met a number of neat people and got to have some important conversations.

But then I graduated, and started a new job, and started dating, and started another new job. And then I actively entered the discernment process for the Episcopal priesthood, and I got engaged, and I got married, and I moved to New York City for seminary. And…suddenly I just didn’t have time for blogging anymore. (Except the post calvin, of course. I always have time for that.)

It’s not really that I didn’t have time, of course. When something is important, I make time for it. Like watching 2.5 seasons of The 100 in the last month. Priorities.

I could have made time. I didn’t.

Then I signed up for an elective this semester: The Theology of Atonement. You know, something light. I got the syllabus, and I saw something new: forty percent of my final grade in the class is “social media impact.” Okay, I thought, I can do social media. I have Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and Pinterest.

Oh yeah, and I have a blog. So when I had to start writing things for the class, I turned to that medium. And it’s been like pulling teeth. I have major writer’s block. I keep putting it on my to-do list and then dragging it over to the next day. (Google Calendar tasks are so much easier to put off than a paper to-do list.)

See, we’re supposed to write about a contested issue, and talk about how atonement can speak to that issue and provide solutions or closure that’s perhaps better than any other current way of dealing with the issue. But I’m not an issue person. I admire people who attack issues with passion. I was on the Chimes staff at Calvin; I know a lot of those people. They still show up on my Facebook wall.

It’s not that I don’t have opinions, or passion—I do, I swear. But being a loud voice is hard for me. It feels unnatural. Inauthentic, even.

I haven’t given up yet. I can’t. It’s an assignment for a class, and a really significant chunk of my grade, and as any former honors student knows, a lot can get done when grades are on the line. I think I might possibly have some small idea of a potential direction I maybe want to take…but I’ve got a week or two to go, and a mountain of writing to scale.

So…wish me luck?

If you want to follow along and see if I make it, you can do so here.

And if you’ve solved resistance and writer’s block and have an easy way to flip the switch, by all means, let me in on the secret.

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