I have written three manuscripts for three separate books, each of them gayer than the last.
The first was a young adult novel where the protagonist makes friends with a gay couple when she travels to Italy. As I was writing it, I felt that the main character herself was queer in some way, but I never quite figured out how. One of the boys in the couple’s parents sent him to live with relatives in France when they discovered the relationship he was keeping secret from them, but other than that the book wasn’t about being gay. I wrote the book as I myself was tentatively stepping into my own queerness before discovering a community that would help me understand myself.
The second was a new adult romance novel where the protagonist fell in love with someone who was dating an abusive man. After ending it with her boyfriend because the abuse escalated to being physical, she realizes she’s a lesbian. Unsurprisingly the two confess their feelings and live happily ever after. This was my thinly veiled semi-autobiographical attempt at a queer romance where the women get their happy ending. While the specific trauma they endured isn’t what I went through, I too was falling in love and healing from immense wounds I felt were unhealable. It’s gayer because it’s obviously a gay love story, but it still deels with gayness from a perspective of tragedy written by someone trying desperately to work through their own pain.
These two books will never see the light of a bookstore, but hopefully my current project will, so I can’t divulge its plot. What I will say is that it’s very gay and very tragic. But not tragic because they’re gay.
I think a correlation can be made between discovering Chappell Roan and the gayness of my books. While I was writing the first book, she hadn’t come out with the music in her first album, The Rise and Fall of the Midwest Princess. My second book, I imagined their happily ever after at a gay club while they danced to “Pink Pony Club,” a single she had released that I somehow stumbled on. Now, as I’m writing the novel I hope to be my debut, I listen to nothing but Chappell.
I needed to write those novels. I needed to test the waters of my own queerness. They needed to start out as side characters when I wasn’t sure of who I was. They needed to deal with homophobia when I went to a homophobic college and worked through my own internalized biphobia. But now, with the unabashed queer joy, pining, and heartbreak that is Chappell Roan’s music, I feel free to write about queerness beyond the struggles of a homophobic world.
For anyone, especially queer people who want a break from gays either being killed off or dealing with hate, give Chappell Roan a listen and indulge in both her over-the-top fun songs and immensely emotional ballads. Watch her videos and get to know her drag persona that celebrates the camp of everyday life.
As I have consumed just about every article written about her, it is hard for me to pinpoint the quote, but in every interview she’s done it is clear how much the LGBTQ+ community has given her and how much she wants to give back. And based on how her music is rising through the charts, it is clear that the gays are feeling the energy she is putting back into the world. I certainly appreciate her music fueling my manuscript that will hopefully give a fraction of what Chappell has done for us.
Photo by Jason Martin, via Wikimedia Commons (CC BY-SA 2.0)
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Kate DeHaan started Calvin as an engineering major and graduated (’22) with a bachelor’s in writing. She is currently working as an executive assistant for Mercer University’s student affairs. She also writes her own blog (LosingKate.com), practices martial arts, and takes full advantage of her apartment’s pool.
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I should have listened to you, these months ago. Instead, I stumbled across her Tiny Desk and now I’m irreparably obsessed with Chappell Roan. She’s truly an icon
I’m so glad I can share the good news!