Hi Nibblez,

It’s meyour best friend and that crazy lady who picks you up at every opportunity. Sorry about that (my behavior will not change, though). 

Recently, I’ve noticed some tension in our relationship (unrelated to the nonconsensual cuddling again, sorry, but that’s not going away anytime soon). After some soul-searching, I realized the hurt feelings were on my end. You see, I think I’m starting to resent you. 

And before you meow it, no it’s not because you are such an incredibly tiny little baby boy who mama loves so so much, aren’t you, just a little guysorry, I’m getting distracted. Instead, it’s because I looked at you, rolling around in a sunbeam, and I realized you’ll never know what student loan debt is. 

You’ll never have to worry about whether or not you should text your ex on his birthday. You don’t know what the word “coup” means. You don’t have to choose who to vote for in an election that could change your previously guaranteed human rights forever. You’ll never experience true disappointment of losing your Duolingo streak. 

All you know is waking up, sleeping in a sunbeam, meowing over your half-full (half-empty?) food bowl, sleeping again, licking asshole, being a little baby, bothering the dog, sleeping more, rinse and repeat, day after day. 

Now, I know this isn’t your fault. You didn’t ask to be born into the cutest little baby cat body ever seen this side of heaven. You didn’t ask to be born a sweet baby boy whose only job is to be a sweet baby boy (and even if you did, you’re not doing a great jobI have the cat scratch scars to prove it). What is fate that you were born to a life of leisure and I one of constant striving?

While I am still jealous of your luck at being born a cat, I will try to reduce my resentment towards you with the following reminders: 

  • I have opposable thumbsboom, roasted
  • No one twenty times my size will ever lift me out of my regular routine to cradle me in their arms while talking to me in a baby voice
  • I get to experience the epic highs and lows of high school football in a way you never will
  • I get to eat things like soup and chocolate, while you are regulated to cat food and the occasional stray piece of popcorn 
  • I get to experience the joy of (one day in the far-off future) being debt-free, of having the boy I like text me back, of taking care of a little kitten just like you

And also, I can readthat’s pretty great. Sorry, you can’t and also sorry you can’t understand what this letter says. I am also sorry for resenting you for being a cat and not a complex human being. 

Love you lots, little baby. 

Sincerely, 

Your favorite, Carlisle 



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