THE FABLE OF THE FOX AND THE CARRIAGE
A Fox had drove its carriage to Detroit for Worke that it may earn its Dailey Bread.
Upon arrival, the Fox came upon two Parkynge Garages. The Fox hitch’d its carriage in the Seconde, thinking itselfe wise for passing the Firste, which was more full of carriages. The Fox made Haste to get to Worke in time.
After a long day, the Fox made return to the Firste of two Parkynge Garages where it had form’d the Habite of hitching its carriage in days Past. For two-thirds of an Houre, the Fox walk’d through the Garage searching for its carriage until a voice in Heav’n spake to the Fox,
“Perchance thou hast forgot that thou hitch’d thy carriage in the Seconde of these two Parkynge Garages?”
“SHITTE,” proclaem’d the Fox, tired from Worke and tired from Walke. “Had I taken care to remember where hitch’d I my carriage this morn, or had I not Slept so late and taken such a longue Schower that I woulde cause myselfe such Haeste, I coulde have saved for myselfe nearly an Houre of Foolishness after Worke.”
Moral: Take care, even when ye be in Haeyste, to not do that which woulde Waste Tyme later, for from Haeyste proceedeth only Waeyste.
THE FABLE OF THE FOX AND THE HOUND
A Fox lay resting in its lair one morning till unto it approach’d its Dogge, whom was a blacke Hound. Quoth the Hound, “may-chance, wilt thou take me Outsyde that I may Taste of some Fraesche Aire?”
Replied the Fox, “Naey, I’m feeling myselfe Slothfull and woulde like insteade to watch King of the Hille here in my Laire. I know that thou desire only to Chase thy Balle. Maychance this after-noon.”
Replied the Hound, “but in being of a Hound, my Nature calls to me that I, too, go Outsyde with dear Mother Nature.”
Thinking itselfe Wise, the Fox replied, “sometymes, it may be that we can’t alwaeyse, whenever it be that we please, go Outsyde to Playe. Sometymes, it may be that we mayn’t merely do whatever it be that we please.” The Fox continue’d to watche King of the Hille.
The Hound then began to Heave its chest and deliver’d unto the Rug the moste verdante Byle of which the Fox had seen.
Lamented the Fox, “had only I listen’d to that which the Hound spake, it woulde have never produce’d such Byle in my home. How selfish I have been to not let the Hound Outsyde.”
Moral: Do not take that which ye merely Wante for what ye Need, whilst taking that which another Need for what he merely Wante.
Moral for Houndes: Do not partake of that which make ye become Sicke, and if ye shoulde become Sicke, become so not on the Rugge.
THE FABLE OF THE FAWKES AND THE PYCKLES
There one daey waf a Fawkes who had acquir’d a Tafte for Pyckles. Thynkiynge itfelfe clever and refourcefull, the Fawkes Purchaf’d a goode many of Cucombres that it may make for itfelfe itf own Pyckles.
The Fawkes prepar’d an affortement of different Taftes and Aromas of Pyckle, of not only the Cucombres but alfo many Vegetables in the Fawkes’s kitchen, and prepare’d with a goode many herbes and fpices and four “Vin-aigres.”
By the Tyme the Pyckles had ceafed theyire Pyckl’ynge and were ready to be Ate, the Fawkes partook of one but found itfelfe not wantynge to partake of fuch a quantity of Pyckle.
“Godd in heofon, what am I to do with fuch a quantity of Damn’d Pyckle,” lament’d the Fawkes, wearing a Grymmace on itf face, itf lipf Pucker’d. “I’ve nearly no Vegetables left to eat as I have prepar’d of them all of thefe Pyckles, which are too four for me to eat by themfelves left I fhoulde become ficke unto my ftomache.”
A fparrow did alight on the window-fill and faid unto the Fawkes, “in fillynge thy Lyfe to-day with that which be four, thou have left thyfelf only that which be four for To-morrow. Thou have alfo left thyfelf no more Jarres nor room in thy Re-frigerator.”
Moral: Do not prepare unneceffarily for that which ye wante To-daey fuch that ye lofe fight of that which ye Neede To-Morrowe. Alfo, purchafe not fuch a quantity of Cucombres and take not of all ye Vegetables for the Creation of Pyckles unleff ye Create alfo fome fand-wiches or Ham’d burgers.
Jeffrey (‘17) ultimately settled on studying film and media studies and French, though food is his greatest passion. He lives in Grand Rapids and is trying to teach himself computer science so he can, among other things, cyberbully Elon Musk.