Monthly Archives: August 2017
In fifth grade I manually calculated eighteen to the fifty-fourth power because I thought of myself as a “knower” (people thought multiplication was all that back in the day).
Shouldn’t this company have the right to create something from what they paid for? Shouldn’t they have the right to alter, adapt, or even terminate their product as needed?
I can still remember the first time I lied to my parents. I was seven years old and was obsessed with Indiana Jones.
It’s one thing to order pork or enchiladas, but I’ve reached a level of fluency where I want to take my skills beyond family and friends.
The moral of this parable? Never buy a computer. They never should have been invented. Never buy a computer on a bargain because bargains are a lie. Everyone in the sales world is out to rip you off.
In the middle of a freezing rain, we reached Dick’s Dome, a geodesic dome built to sleep four persons. There were eighteen people there.
It has always seemed weird to me that everyone is so cautionary about the permanence of tattoos and so encouraging about the permanence of marriage.
I always tried to do the independent thing first—I’ll call my own tow-truck, I’ll look for my own apartment, I’ll find a job, I’ll pick a grad program.
Following is a stratigraphic analysis of the Reminders app on my iPhone—my August 2017 recollections of three past years of reminders that were once “new and urgent.”
The GOP fuels itself with intolerance, with ignorance, with bigotry, and with hate. Donald Trump and co. are the natural progression along a path the Party has trod for years, knowing the consequences and not caring.
The song and video are so simply adorable that it would be tempting to brush them off as frivolous. But indulging that temptation would be dismissing a cultural commentary of Beyoncé proportions.
Moments like this, this spiraling existential crisis brought upon me by a bit of charred soy, are things that I thought wouldn’t carry over into adulthood.
Like any good sci-fi tale, then, Orphan Black is finally far less interested in predicting what might be, than it is in describing what exists now.
And this is the mark of comedy greatness: it pushes us—not to a breaking point, but just outside what we thought was “good enough.”
Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the Lord God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is.
Throughout the performance, I can understand eighty percent of what he says and forty percent of what he sings because, well … because of his teeth.
The mystery began in middle school. Up until then, as far as I can tell, I was farting like the rest of them.
And if Regina Spektor happens to be giving a concert in Central Park on that particular Wednesday, who’s to say I have to move my painstakingly planned picnic?
But I also hold on to habits because they give me an unexpected freedom.
They’re not always noble or pure, but then of course neither am I. We try our best, and sometimes people climb mountains just to see us blossom in the cold.
After a full bag, they unplugged me and fed me Cheez-Its and sent me on my way. I would soon discover that drinking a PBR immediately after giving blood isn’t a good idea
When my wife told me she was pregnant, it was the most surreal experience of my life.
The next day is exactly like the first.
We don’t check the news.
Phones die on the picnic table while we swim.
The fairness and insensitivity of this feels reassuring, like weather or death. Something I cannot change. Something that does not care about me.
As I’ve been moving my life into this new room, I’ve been dismantling the one in the southwest suburbs of Chicago where I slept in from the age of ten until I left for college.
Milwaukee will always have my heart, but Grand Rapids tugs at it this morning, hard.
I simply feel that I could make a few very small and practical changes that would improve our situation greatly.
10 / The Office will have ended when Jim and Pam got married.
I have never been so closely scrutinized for every word that comes out of my mouth as I have been this summer, nannying for a family with three children ages seven, eleven, and twelve.
I want to be better about recognizing their cousin—micro-advantages, micro-privileges that lead to a world that bends in my direction, that is softer with me, gentler.