Matt brings us this month’s post.
I woke up extra early that morning. It was my first day at my new job, and I wanted plenty of time to get ready. Everything had happened so quickly. I had applied on a Wednesday, and there I was the following Tuesday, hired and about to start work. It had taken me well over a year to find any sort of work in my field, and I had mostly given up on that dream. But finally I was getting a chance to start the career I wanted. I lay in bed a moment longer, thinking about the day ahead. Everything seemed so serendipitous. It had also been less than a week since Laura’s parents gave us our second car, which was a good thing, because with the new job Laura and I wouldn’t be able to carpool anymore. A car and a job, all in a couple of days. Seven o’clock—time to get up. But as soon as I did, Laura came bounding into the room.
And that was when I found out I was going to be a father.
I went to work that day completely out of focus. There I was, trying to make a good first impression, trying to learn a brand new job that I had long been seeking, and I couldn’t focus on it at all. I lost my thoughts and tripped over my sentences, finding myself zoning out when I was supposed to be taking notes and asking questions and learning procedures. Instead I was picturing my little son or daughter playing on the floor, walking to school, and graduating from college. First days are never easy, but that one was especially rough.
That tiny little pea-sized thing changed our lives instantly. Laura was suddenly constantly tired, and we started going to bed at eight o’clock every night. Every free moment was spent researching cloth diapers, strollers, and car seats. Our home office/junk room was quickly emptied and made ready for new paint and furniture. I downloaded app after app, each telling me each week as our little “bun” grew in size from almond to olive to lime. We spent every free moment and every spare thought on the baby.
Not only did my life change, but my attitude changed as well. Strong paternal instincts kicked in. I felt protective and aggressive, like a mother bear. Where once I was more of a pacifist, I was suddenly willing to go to extreme lengths for my family. No one was ever going to harm my baby. One week, whenever Laura and I went out in public, I went through this daydream-like moment where I would imagine some guy with a gun stopping us in a parking lot. In my mind I would run through scenarios that would allow me to best protect my wife and unborn plum, even at the expense of my own life. I still feared death, but only in the thought that I would never get to be there for my child.
It’s been three months since my first day of work, and I find myself now at a career crossroads. I have some big decisions to make when it comes to my professional future. I have waited years for the opportunity to make these choices, and now all I can think about is my little avocado. Avocado is just starting to perceive light. Avocado can hear my voice. Avocado can bend and twitch its smidgy limbs. Avocado has tiny little fingers and toes with tiny little nails growing on each one. I think about my baby and realize there’s nothing more important. It’s not my life that matters anymore. Work is no longer about my career; it’s just what allows me to provide for a happy, healthy family to come home to every night.
I don’t know where I’m going, but I don’t care anymore. All that matters is that I can be with my family.
Laura (Bardolph) Hubers (’10) is wife to Matt, mother to Samuel, and copywriter at Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Company. She counts the day the Chicago Cubs won the 2016 World Series as one of the happiest of her life.
Matt Hubers (’12) lives with his wife, Laura, and young son, Samuel. He likes to spend his time playing board games, coaching high school forensics, and frolicking with alpacas. His dream is to write picture books.
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What a first day on the job. Congrats on Avocado–future Knight of the Class of 2038 or so? I appreciate hearing your perspectives on The Post Calvin (Susan Buist, Calvin alumni office)