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Monthly Archives: August 2017

On Being Informed

In fifth grade I manually calculated eighteen to the fifty-fourth power because I thought of myself as a “knower” (people thought multiplication was all that back in the day).

The Clone War: No, Not Star Wars

Shouldn’t this company have the right to create something from what they paid for? Shouldn’t they have the right to alter, adapt, or even terminate their product as needed?

Can You Keep a Secret?

I can still remember the first time I lied to my parents. I was seven years old and was obsessed with Indiana Jones.

1.8-Lingual

It’s one thing to order pork or enchiladas, but I’ve reached a level of fluency where I want to take my skills beyond family and friends.

Perils of a Bargain

The moral of this parable? Never buy a computer. They never should have been invented. Never buy a computer on a bargain because bargains are a lie. Everyone in the sales world is out to rip you off.

Five Campsites That Were NOT Insta-Worthy

In the middle of a freezing rain, we reached Dick’s Dome, a geodesic dome built to sleep four persons. There were eighteen people there.

Thanks for the Cat

Thanks for the Cat

by | Aug 25, 2017

I had actually forgotten that I could just go buy a pet.

On More Than Just Love & Marriage

On More Than Just Love & Marriage

It has always seemed weird to me that everyone is so cautionary about the permanence of tattoos and so encouraging about the permanence of marriage.

Help!

Help!

I always tried to do the independent thing first—I’ll call my own tow-truck, I’ll look for my own apartment, I’ll find a job, I’ll pick a grad program.

Reminders App: A Stratigraphy

Reminders App: A Stratigraphy

Following is a stratigraphic analysis of the Reminders app on my iPhone—my August 2017 recollections of three past years of reminders that were once “new and urgent.”

The Rank Hypocrisy of Republican Condemnation of Charlottesville

The Rank Hypocrisy of Republican Condemnation of Charlottesville

The GOP fuels itself with intolerance, with ignorance, with bigotry, and with hate. Donald Trump and co. are the natural progression along a path the Party has trod for years, knowing the consequences and not caring.

Charli XCX and the Female Gaze

Charli XCX and the Female Gaze

The song and video are so simply adorable that it would be tempting to brush them off as frivolous. But indulging that temptation would be dismissing a cultural commentary of Beyoncé proportions.

The Nose Knows Too Much

The Nose Knows Too Much

Moments like this, this spiraling existential crisis brought upon me by a bit of charred soy, are things that I thought wouldn’t carry over into adulthood.

Farewell, Orphan Black

Farewell, Orphan Black

Like any good sci-fi tale, then, Orphan Black is finally far less interested in predicting what might be, than it is in describing what exists now.

My Three Best Jokes and Why They Were So Great

My Three Best Jokes and Why They Were So Great

And this is the mark of comedy greatness: it pushes us—not to a breaking point, but just outside what we thought was “good enough.”

The Prudent Keep Quiet in Such Times

The Prudent Keep Quiet in Such Times

Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the Lord God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is.

‘Dracula, the Musical?’ (A Review)

‘Dracula, the Musical?’ (A Review)

Throughout the performance, I can understand eighty percent of what he says and forty percent of what he sings because, well … because of his teeth.

What Hath God Wrought

What Hath God Wrought

The mystery began in middle school. Up until then, as far as I can tell, I was farting like the rest of them.

Summer in the City

Summer in the City

And if Regina Spektor happens to be giving a concert in Central Park on that particular Wednesday, who’s to say I have to move my painstakingly planned picnic?

In Defense of Habit

In Defense of Habit

But I also hold on to habits because they give me an unexpected freedom.

You Look Happy to Me

You Look Happy to Me

They’re not always noble or pure, but then of course neither am I. We try our best, and sometimes people climb mountains just to see us blossom in the cold.

The Bloodmobile

The Bloodmobile

After a full bag, they unplugged me and fed me Cheez-Its and sent me on my way. I would soon discover that drinking a PBR immediately after giving blood isn’t a good idea

Losing Something That Was Never Really Ours

Losing Something That Was Never Really Ours

When my wife told me she was pregnant, it was the most surreal experience of my life.

Once Crossing The Hudson

Once Crossing The Hudson

The next day is exactly like the first. 
We don’t check the news. 
Phones die on the picnic table while we swim.

A Sehnsuchtsvoll Website

A Sehnsuchtsvoll Website

The fairness and insensitivity of this feels reassuring, like weather or death. Something I cannot change. Something that does not care about me.

On Second Grade Reading Lists

On Second Grade Reading Lists

As I’ve been moving my life into this new room, I’ve been dismantling the one in the southwest suburbs of Chicago where I slept in from the age of ten until I left for college.

In the Wind

In the Wind

Milwaukee will always have my heart, but Grand Rapids tugs at it this morning, hard.

My Half-Baked and Biased Plans to Make the World A Better Place

My Half-Baked and Biased Plans to Make the World A Better Place

I simply feel that I could make a few very small and practical changes that would improve our situation greatly.
10 / The Office will have ended when Jim and Pam got married.

Supercalifragilistic…

Supercalifragilistic…

I have never been so closely scrutinized for every word that comes out of my mouth as I have been this summer, nannying for a family with three children ages seven, eleven, and twelve.

When I Cross the Street, Cars Stop for Me

When I Cross the Street, Cars Stop for Me

I want to be better about recognizing their cousin—micro-advantages, micro-privileges that lead to a world that bends in my direction, that is softer with me, gentler.